In August 2021, I gave birth to my beautiful firstborn, Freddy. And now here we are – with our second son, Jack born in May, under 4 years later. For me, I find that postpartum hits you hard, regardless of having been through it before. I’m sleep deprived, I’ve cried, and I’ve felt anxious about some people visiting just like last time. And having a three old who loves bouncing off the walls makes it that little harder to keep energy levels going some days! I’m also feeling guilty because I can’t give Freddy 100% anymore. He’s taken to the change really well though and wants to get involved with making bottles, rocking Jack to sleep and so on.
Through the harder parts, there are still a lot of things I’m more confident with this time now or maybe I’m just not pressuring myself as much with them as I did the first time round.
How I feel during the recovery process
Recovering from giving birth isn’t easy. Luckily this time round I didn’t need stitches, I had a first degree tear rather than a second like my first birth. I have however had a lot of pain in my stomach as my uterus has been contracting back to its usual size. After about day 5-6 the pain started to ease with pain relief and I’ve been finding it easier to move around and do all the things I need to get done around the house. The night feeds were so hard with the pain so I’m glad it’s settled now. I’ve still got a few aches and pains here and there but each day, things seem to be getting better which is good.
How I look and feel about my body
After a week in, my bump seems non existent. Quite a few people have complimented me on how good I look or that you wouldn’t have thought I’d recently given birth. And it’s crazy because I remember it going down the first time round but I feel somewhat more confident this time round. Still, I miss bump – the kicks, the growth each day, just the whole feeling. I’m feeling so blessed to have my second son here with us but there’s a part of me that can’t believe how fast time has gone and now he’s actually here.
I can’t remember the last time I wore makeup but when I do I’m sure it’ll give me that extra feeling good about myself feeling, especially if it comes with a special occasion and being able to dress up a little too.
How I feel mentally and emotionally
It’s no surprise that emotions are up and down but I had an idea of how I might feel given that I struggled with mental health issues the first time round which actually turned out to have stemmed from childhood but it took being a mum to acknowledge them. The mentally, challenging rollercoaster of being a mum for the first time shown me the importance of speaking up and getting help – one of the best things I’ve ever done for myself and for my family. There’s been a lot of support from healthcare professionals during my second pregnancy and I know the signs and triggers to look out for if and when I am struggling this time.
I’m showering every day, I’m staying hydrated, and eating when I have an appetite (struggling in the evenings a bit) – that’s a big difference to before. I know that I can be a mum and prioritise my self care too.
I’m learning to drown out all the noise – all that matters is my boys, husband, and me – our family.
How I see myself as a mum
My first son has taught me everything I know and he’s seen me through all the emotions of adjusting to motherhood. I felt that I was maybe judged as a first time mum – whether I was or not – I couldn’t help but feel that way. And I felt like I couldn’t always get it right and the truth is, there isn’t always a right, but being there and loving your child is the best thing you can do.
I always knew I wanted Freddy to have a brother or sister to grow up with and now that he has a little brother, the mum guilt shows up some days but then fades on other days when I see the excitement Freddy has as he sees Jack. Take the school pick up for instance, he comes running out saying, “Hi mummy, daddy, baby Jack!” It’s one of the sweetest things to witness. And as a mum, I couldn’t be prouder of how well Freddy is adjusting and I’m proud of myself and Danny for the family we’ve built together. A few times, I’ve paused and taken a moment to realise that we have everything we dreamt of, no matter how hard some days are and will be. We have each other.
Through the good days and the hard days, I know that I’ll be okay because my husband is the best person and support system I could have. I know it’s okay not to feel okay some days and what to do when that happens. Here’s to enjoying maternity leave as much as I can for the second time.
The Mama Perspective | Mum Blog 
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