The Mama Perspective | Mum Blog

As soon as I gave birth and the first 24 hours had passed, it was time to spend our first night at home as a family. That’s where it started – the wonder. How do we actually do this? There isn’t a manual. Well, there might be out there somewhere, but no one hands you one as you leave the hospital. It’s down to figuring out your own parenting style and seeing how things go.

Off the back of my last blog post on parenting styles, I started thinking more about why we choose to parent the way we do. Is it instinct? Is it research? Is it pure survival mode with coffee whether it still be hot or turned cold?

So, I ran a poll over on Instagram asking my followers whether they tend to “go with their gut” or “follow the research” when it comes to parenting. Here’s what they said:

• 0% voted for “sticking to the research”

• 62% said they “go with their gut”

• 38% chose “who even knows?”

I definitely expected more people, especially first-time mums, to say they rely on research or expert advice.

What’s my take?

As for me, I always go with my gut. Don’t get me wrong, I’ll take guidance seriously when it comes to things like health and safety. But ultimately, I believe parenting is about finding what works for your family.

That’s especially true now that I’m a mum of two. We’ve had to adjust quite a bit since Freddy’s little brother arrived. It’s no longer just the three of us – we’re now a noisier family of four!

And with that change came another realisation: research is constantly evolving. Sometimes too much, if I’m honest.

Take car seat guidelines, for example. When Freddy was a baby, we were told not to keep them in a car seat for more than an hour. Fast forward a few years, and now I’ve heard 30 minutes from one midwife, 45 from another. So what do I do? I check he’s safe, he can breathe, and he’s comfortable. That’s what matters most to me.

So how has my parenting changed from my first baby to my second?

• I’m definitely more relaxed.

• I don’t Google every little thing anymore.

• I trust myself more.

• I’ve realised that what worked for Freddy doesn’t always work for Jack and that’s okay.

I also asked my followers in a follow-up poll:

Has parenting more than one child made you more relaxed or stricter?

Here’s what they said:

• 25% said they’ve become more laid back

• 0% said they’ve become stricter

• 75% said they’re just going with the flow

Honestly, this made me smile. It’s comforting to know that so many of you are figuring it out just like me. There’s no one right way, and the idea that we’re all just doing our best is kind of beautiful, isn’t it?

---

If you’re parenting more than one child, how would you answer that poll? Are you more chilled?