The Mama Perspective | Mum Blog

We have a routine in our house. A familiar flow to our days. And yet… some days still feel hard. Occasionally, the baby is unsettled no matter what I do. Some nights my eldest suddenly struggles with bedtime, even though we’ve done the same thing a hundred times before. And in those moments, it’s easy to feel like the routine should be working better – like I’m doing something wrong because things aren’t going smoothly.

But motherhood has taught me this –
having a routine doesn’t mean having it all together.

Why routine matters to me

I genuinely believe in routine. Not in a strict, clock-watching way but in a gentle, grounding way. Routine helps my children know what to expect. It gives our days a rhythm. It brings a sense of safety, especially during busy or emotional seasons like Christmas just gone before the return to school, and welcoming a new baby brother into the world. And if I’m honest, it helps me too. It removes some of the mental load, the constant decision-making, the “what’s next?” feeling that can be so exhausting as a mum.

Routine isn’t about control. For me, it’s about comfort.

When the routine feels like it’s falling apart

The thing is, kids aren’t robots. Babies don’t care what time it is. They don’t read the calendar or the mental notes inside your head. Sometimes they’re just upset and they need comfort more than consistency.

Older children go through phases too. Separation anxiety, big feelings, growing independence, and oh the overstimulation. One night bedtime is easy, the next it feels impossible. And suddenly, the routine that usually works just… doesn’t. And that doesn’t mean the routine is bad. It means your kids are human.

The pressure to “Have it all together”

There’s so much pressure on mums to be consistent, calm, organised, and emotionally available at all times. To create the perfect routine and stick to it no matter what, to be the good mum.

And when it doesn’t work? We blame ourselves. We wonder if we’re being too soft or the opposite, not firm enough. Or doing something wrong because bedtime is hard again. But a disrupted routine doesn’t mean an unstable home. And a tough evening doesn’t mean you’re failing. Kids have big emotions and parents do too.

What motherhood is teaching me

I’m learning that routine is a guide but some nights call for flexibility. Some nights need extra cuddles. Some nights don’t go to plan at all. And as hard as it can be when all you want to do is sleep, that’s okay.

My children don’t need perfection. They need love and comfort. They need to feel safe, seen, and supported even when the routine bends a little. Tomorrow is always another chance to try again.

Can you relate?

If bedtime feels difficult tonight as you’re trying to get the kids to sleep, if you’re ending the day feeling tired, touched out, or overwhelmed… You don’t have to get it right every night to be a good mum.

We can believe in routine and give ourselves grace. Both can exist at the same time. And maybe that’s what having it “together” really looks like.