I’m a mum of two now. My body has changed again. My patience is worn thin on some days. And on others, I’m less kind to myself, especially in my own head. I replay sentences that tell me I should be doing better, being better. I show up. I love my kids fiercely. But shouldn’t I be kinder to myself too, if I want them to grow up loving themselves?
I tell my son, always, to be himself no matter what. I tell him to ignore the noise – the nasty comments, the negativity – and to chase happiness where he can. I remind him that some days will be hard, that feeling upset or frustrated is okay, that those emotions don’t mean he’s failing. Funny how easily those words come to me for him, and how much harder they are to offer myself.
As a mum, I no longer stand for pleasing others. I have a husband I love deeply, and two little boys I adore more than anything. The life I’m living right now is everything I ever dreamed of even if it’s tougher than I imagined at times. On the hard days, my husband reminds me, “We’re a unit. We get through things together.” And he’s right. We always do.
When it comes to my appearance, I barely have the energy to make an effort most days. Some days are a little better than others. And on rare occasions, I even feel a bit confident again, maybe even girly. The other night was one of those nights. I went to see The Bodyguard in Manchester. I loveee Whitney so I was glad I got the chance to watch the show.
Still, in the back of my mind, at times like that, I can’t help but hope the kids will be calm-ish and go to sleep as they should. I always feel a little guilty for not being there, just in case they need me especially my youngest, who’s used to me right by his side at bedtime. But they’ll be more than okay with their daddy. They always are.
Soon, I’ll be going back to work, and I’m a mixture of emotions. Part of me is really looking forward to it, to reconnecting with the working mum in me, the ambitious woman who’s worked hard to build her career. I miss that version of myself.
But another part of me wonders if I can return and simply pick up where I left off. Can I still meet expectations? Can I juggle the demands of my job and motherhood without burning out? What if I don’t enjoy it the same way as before? What if I’ve lost that part of me somewhere along the way?
Maybe rediscovering myself doesn’t mean going back to who I was.
Maybe it means learning how all these versions of me can exist together – mum, wife, woman – messy, not perfect, but still enough.
Are you a mama too? How are you rediscovering yourself in motherhood?
The Mama Perspective | Mum Blog 
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