For World Mental Health Day, I want to talk about the reality of motherhood, the pressure to keep going, and why looking after our mental health matters just as much as looking after everyone else.
There is something about motherhood that can make you feel as though you need to be everything to everyone.
You want to be a patient mum. A loving partner. A good friend. Someone who keeps on top of the house, remembers every appointment, plans the meals, manages the endless to-do list and somehow finds time to look after herself, too.
And somewhere in the middle of all that, it can become very easy to forget about the person behind the mum. The woman who gets tired. The woman who feels overwhelmed. The woman who sometimes needs a moment to herself, a proper conversation with a friend, or simply a little space to breathe.
As we mark World Mental Health Day, I think it is important to have honest conversations about mental health and, in particular, the mental health of mums. Because motherhood can be beautiful, rewarding and full of moments you wouldn’t change for the world. But it can also be exhausting, emotionally challenging and, at times, incredibly overwhelming.
And two things can be true at once.
The pressure to be the mum who has it all together
I think one of the hardest parts of motherhood is the expectation, whether it comes from society, social media or even ourselves, that we should somehow be able to do it all.
We see images of beautifully organised homes, healthy family meals, exciting activities with the children and mums who seem to have endless patience and energy.
It can be easy to look at those moments and wonder why our own days don’t always look the same.
But real motherhood doesn’t always look like that. Sometimes it looks like surviving a particularly difficult morning. Sometimes it means choosing an easy dinner because you simply don’t have the energy to cook. Sometimes it means the washing stays in the basket, the house is messy and the only thing you manage to do for yourself is sit down for five minutes.
And that is okay. We don’t have to earn rest by completing every task on our list. We don’t have to prove that we’re struggling enough before we allow ourselves to slow down. Being a good mum doesn’t mean being endlessly available, endlessly patient or endlessly productive.
It means being human, too. I’ve come to appreciate the importance of stepping away from the pressure to do everything perfectly and recognising that my own wellbeing deserves attention. Looking after myself isn’t separate from motherhood; it’s part of learning how to navigate it in a way that feels more sustainable.
When motherhood changes how you feel about yourself
Motherhood changes so much more than our daily routines. It can change our relationships, our priorities, our confidence and the way we see ourselves.
You can love your children more than words can explain and still miss parts of the person you were before becoming a mum.
You can feel grateful for your family and still find yourself longing for more time, more independence or a little more space to reconnect with yourself.
You can enjoy motherhood and still have days when you feel completely overwhelmed by it. None of these feelings cancel out the love you have for your children. I think we sometimes put so much emphasis on being grateful for what we have that we forget gratitude and struggle can exist together. You don’t have to feel unhappy with your life to acknowledge that parts of it are difficult. And you don’t have to lose yourself completely before deciding that you want to make more room for the things that make you feel like you.
Whether that means reconnecting with an old hobby, making time for friendships, returning to something you enjoyed before children or simply having a few minutes without anyone needing anything from you, those little moments matter.
You are still a person with your own needs, interests, ambitions and emotions.
You haven’t disappeared just because you became a mum.
Mental health isn’t always obvious
When we talk about mental health, it is important to remember that struggling doesn’t always look the way we expect it to.
Sometimes it is obvious that someone is having a difficult time. Other times, they carry on with their usual routines, turn up to work, care for their children, reply to messages and smile when someone asks how they are.
They might even be the person everyone else turns to for support. But underneath, they could be feeling anxious, emotionally drained, lonely or as though they are running on empty.
For mums, it can be particularly difficult to admit when things aren’t feeling okay. There can be guilt around asking for help, worrying that others will judge us or feeling that we should be able to cope because other people seem to manage.
We might tell ourselves that we’re just tired, that things will get easier next week or that we need to get ourselves together.
Sometimes, of course, we really are just having a difficult day. But when feelings of overwhelm, anxiety, sadness or exhaustion persist, it is important not to dismiss them or assume we simply need to try harder.
Our mental health deserves the same care
and attention as our physical health.
We don’t need to wait until we reach breaking point before we take it seriously.
Mums need looking after, too
I recently shared a message on Instagram from a doctor that really hit me. It was a reminder of something that sounds so simple, yet can be so easy to forget in the everyday reality of motherhood: we need to look after ourselves as well as we look after our children.
As mums, we spend so much of our time thinking about what our children need. We make sure they are fed, dressed, safe, happy and healthy. We notice when they aren’t quite themselves, comfort them when they are upset and do everything we can to help them feel better when they are unwell.
We are often so tuned in to their needs that we can spot the smallest change in their mood, behaviour or energy.
But how often do we give ourselves that same attention? How often do we notice that we are exhausted, overwhelmed or struggling emotionally, only to push those feelings aside because there are still lunches to make, washing to put away, work to finish and little people who need us?
How often do we tell ourselves that we will rest later, take a break another day or focus on ourselves when everything else is done?
The truth is that, for many mums, everything else is never really done.
There will always be another task, another responsibility or another person who needs something from us. And if we continually put ourselves at the bottom of the list, it can become difficult to recognise when we need support ourselves.
Looking after our mental health doesn’t mean putting our children second. It doesn’t mean being less devoted, less present or less of a mum. It means recognising that our wellbeing matters, too.
Just as we want our children to feel safe talking about their emotions, we deserve to be able to acknowledge our own. Just as we would encourage them to rest when they are tired and ask for help when something is wrong, we need to give ourselves that same permission.
And just as we would never want our children to believe that they have to cope with everything alone, we shouldn’t expect that of ourselves.
Sometimes looking after ourselves means making time for something we enjoy. Sometimes it means asking for more help at home, speaking honestly to someone we trust or reaching out to a healthcare professional because things feel harder than usual.
And sometimes it simply means acknowledging that we aren’t feeling okay, even when we cannot immediately change the circumstances around us. I think this is such an important message to remember, particularly on World Mental Health Day. We talk a lot about caring for our children, and rightly so, but we also need to create space for conversations about the people doing that caring. Because mums aren’t just mums. We are people with our own feelings, needs, worries and limits.
We deserve to feel supported, not just appreciated for everything we do for everyone else. So, if you need a reminder today, let this be it: you don’t have to wait until you are completely overwhelmed to look after yourself. You don’t have to justify needing a break, and you don’t have to feel guilty for asking for help.
Your children need care, love and attention. And you deserve those things, too.
Small ways to look after your mental wellbeing
I am a big believer that looking after ourselves doesn’t always have to involve grand gestures or a complete lifestyle overhaul. When life is busy, particularly with children, sometimes the most realistic changes are the smallest ones.
Here are a few gentle reminders for the days when you feel as though you’re carrying a little too much.
- Give yourself permission to rest.
You don’t need to fill every quiet moment with another task. Sometimes sitting down, having a cup of tea while it is still warm or going to bed a little earlier is enough for that day. Rest is a need, not a reward. - Let go of the pressure to do everything perfectly.
Ask yourself what genuinely needs to be done today and what can wait. Your home doesn’t have to be spotless, every meal doesn’t have to be homemade and every day doesn’t have to be productive. Sometimes good enough really is good enough. - Talk about how you’re actually feeling.
Instead of automatically saying, “I’m fine,” try being honest with someone you trust. You don’t have to explain everything perfectly. Even saying, “I’ve been feeling a little overwhelmed lately, and I think I need some support,” can be a starting point. - Make space for the person you are outside motherhood.
This doesn’t have to mean finding hours of free time. It could be reading a few pages of a book, listening to your favourite music, going for a walk or doing something you enjoyed before children. Small moments of connection with yourself can be meaningful. - Ask for help when you need it.
You don’t have to manage everything alone. Ask your partner, family or friends for practical support where possible, and consider speaking to your GP if your mental health is affecting your everyday life or you are finding things difficult to manage. Self-care can help, but it isn’t a substitute for professional support when you need it. And perhaps most importantly, remember that looking after yourself doesn’t make you selfish. You matter, too.
This World Mental Health Day, let’s listen a little more
The 2026 theme for World Mental Health Day is “Lived experiences heard: real voices, real change.”
It is a reminder that listening to people who have experienced mental health challenges matters, and that their experiences should help shape the support and services available to them.
I think this message is particularly important when we talk about motherhood.
Every mum has a different experience. Some navigate postnatal mental health challenges. Others struggle with the demands of balancing work and family life, the loneliness that can sometimes accompany motherhood, or the feeling that their identity has changed in ways they weren’t prepared for.
Some mums are finding their feet with a newborn, while others are raising older children and discovering that their own needs have been pushed aside for years.
There isn’t one universal motherhood experience, and there isn’t one right way to feel.
We need spaces where mums can speak honestly without feeling that they have to soften their words, justify their emotions or reassure everyone that they are still grateful.
We need to listen without immediately offering solutions, comparing experiences or telling someone that it could be worse.
Sometimes, the most helpful thing we can say is, “That sounds really difficult. I’m glad you told me.”
And sometimes, supporting someone means doing more than asking how they are. It means checking in again, offering practical help, making time to listen and helping them access professional support if they need it.
Being heard matters. Being taken seriously matters. And feeling supported should not depend on how well someone can explain their struggles.
A gentle reminder for the mum who needs it
If you are reading this and you’ve been finding things difficult lately, I want to remind you of something.
You don’t have to be the mum who holds everything together all the time.
You are allowed to have difficult days. You are allowed to feel overwhelmed. You are allowed to miss parts of your old life while loving the life you have now.
You are allowed to ask for help, to take a break and to admit that things feel hard. You do not have to wait until you have nothing left to give before you start looking after yourself.
And if you are struggling more than you feel able to manage alone, please know that support is available. Speaking to someone you trust, contacting your GP or reaching out to a mental health support service can be an important first step.
Your mental health matters on the difficult days, the ordinary days and the days when everything seems to be going well.
It matters when you are a new mum, when you are an experienced mum, when you are working, when you are at home and when you are trying to work out who you are in this new chapter of life. It matters because you matter.
Let’s keep the conversation going
World Mental Health Day is an opportunity to raise awareness, challenge stigma and remind one another that nobody should have to struggle in silence.
But these conversations shouldn’t happen just once a year.
Let’s keep checking in with our friends. Let’s make it easier to talk honestly about the difficult parts of motherhood. Let’s stop treating exhaustion as a badge of honour and perfection as the standard we should all be chasing.
And let’s remember that behind every mum is a person who deserves care, understanding and support, too. If there is one thing I hope you take away from this post, it is this:
You can be a wonderful mum and still need looking after yourself.
Both things can be true. And you deserve that care, not just on World Mental Health Day, but every day.
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