The Mama Perspective | Mum Blog

In 2021, I became a mum for the first time to my beautiful boy, Freddy. Now, I’m a mama to him and his little brother Jack.

Becoming a mum for the first time was exciting, but it also came with a lot of fear about what was to come. I felt overwhelmed at times but now, there’s something in me that reassures me to just breathe, even when my head feels like it’s going to explode from my eldest’s giddiness or tantrums! I’ll admit, I do cry the odd time. I also have a baby to look after now, Freddy’s baby brother.

These days, I actually feel more confident taking both kids out than I did with just one. I’ve learned to tell myself: if they cry, they cry. If there’s a meltdown, so be it. I’ll handle it. Patience has become my quiet strength, when I can find it.

The things that scared me during the baby days

• Going Outside in Public. In the early days, even something as simple as a walk around the block would send me into a panic. Then came bus journeys, trips to the shops, outings to this place and that. Each step felt overwhelming at first. I didn’t always find it easy, and honestly, I still don’t sometimes.
• Bathing baby as a newborn. Newborns feel so fragile, and their skin is incredibly sensitive. The bath thermometer became my best friend, and I relied heavily on Danny to help hold Freddy in those early days. I was so cautious, scared of doing something wrong, but we got through it together.
• Midwife and health visitor appointments. The pressure to do everything right felt constant, especially when it came to the midwife and health visitor coming to my house. I worried I was doing something wrong – the way I was holding baby or feeding him. There was always something on my mind, second-guessing myself. I felt so vulnerable the first time round, let being a first time mum would be held against me.
• Visitors in general. Has anyone else ever felt triggered by visitors on certain days or by certain people? I couldn’t always put my finger on why, but there were definitely moments when I just wasn’t in the right headspace for company and to be honest, I still have times like that today.
• When baby was unwell. I’ll never forget how scary it was when Freddy was so young and got sick – he had both COVID and bronchiolitis within a short time of each one when he was just a few months old. The fear of seeing him so unwell, unable to do much to comfort him, was upsetting. But he handled it well, bless him.

The toddler days: what scared me most

• Development stages. We always knew Freddy was a mover. He was crawling by 7 months, cruising and standing by 8 months, and walking by 11 months. But when it came to speech, I couldn’t help but worry. The delays had me questioning everything. Thankfully, Freddy’s getting there now, and going to nursery in his first year of primary school has made a huge difference.
• Toilet training. It wasn’t so much the potty training process itself that scared me, but more the thought of accidents in public. It always felt like it was about other people’s judgment. I’ll never forget the time we were in Tesco: Freddy got upset and couldn’t hold his wee long enough to make it to the toilet. He was so sad, so I scooped him up for a cuddle. But of course, some people couldn’t help but stare while he cried, and one person even pointed out the wee on me, as if I didn’t already know. Ugh. It just made everything feel worse.
• Making Friends. Freddy is such a happy, friendly boy, but I couldn’t help but worry – would he struggle to make friends because of his speech delay? I wondered if he’d stand out in ways that might make him feel different. But fast forward to now, and at almost 4 years old, he’s just finished his first year of primary school (nursery), and he’s surrounded by a lovely group of friends. It’s such a relief to see him thriving.
• Meltdowns. Ah, meltdowns, this is still something I struggle with from time to time. If it happens in public now, I’ve stopped caring about people staring. My focus is on getting Freddy to relax and cheering him up. But let’s be honest, he really knows how to push my buttons, especially when he decides not to listen. The joys of parenting!

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What have I learned?

I’ve been told so many times not to compare my child to others, but let’s be honest, it’s hard not to. Just the other week, the health visitor for my second child said, “Don’t even compare your two children to one another.” And that hit me hard. It reminded me that every child is different, and they all grow at their own pace. But I’m still guilty of doing it from time to time with other children the same age.

There are lots of mums out there who are going through the same things. And it’s nice when one, even a complete stranger, can show an act of kindness to help or understand.

Before you know it, all the worries disappear (although new ones arrive) and your baby is growing up within the blink of an eye.

Are you a mum navigating the newborn stage or surviving life with a toddler? What’s scared you the most along the way?