The Mama Perspective | Mum Blog

I’ve spent a lot of time – more than I probably realised – trying to “do it right.” The first time around, I was tracking everything: naps, feeds, wake windows, all the rhythms of baby life that are supposed to lead to the “perfect outcome.”

But with my second son, something shifted. It hit me quietly one day, my boys don’t need the perfect version of me. They need me, healthy and happy enough to love them well. That’s it. That’s the core of it all.

How has motherhood changed the second time round? 

I don’t track anything anymore. No apps. No notes. I just watch him. Listen. Follow his cues. And weirdly – or maybe not so weirdly – it’s working better this time. He sleeps more smoothly. He’s content. He’s calm. People always comment on how happy he is. And I think part of that is because I feel calmer this time. Not perfect. But Jack has definitely mellowed me. 

That doesn’t mean I never get snappy or overwhelmed. I still feel it build – the invisible pressure of things needing to be done: bottles to be sterilised, crumbs need to swept/hoovered off the floor, the washing machine loads to be done, food made, tidying the toys that make the whole house look like its own messy toy shop. But at times, I’ve come to enjoy these things more. And I’m not alone – I have my husband. I just tend to want things done a little quicker than they probably need to be done! 

Maybe that sounds strange, but there’s something grounding about the everyday tasks now. When I’ve swept the floor or cleared the dishwasher, and I get to sit down with a hot cup of tea or coffee. I feel happy. Like, maybe this is where the real magic is hiding – the little moments in between. Maternity leave has been different to me the second time round.

This mindset didn’t arrive overnight. It’s taken time, and could link to CBT (two rounds, actually), and a lot of work reminding myself of my mental capacity. 

Standing strong as a mum and for myself

Setting boundaries has been one of the hardest, healthiest shifts I’ve made – not just for me, but for my family. It’s not always easy for others to accept when you stop living up to their expectations, but the relief of not trying to meet so many standards? Worth it 100%. It’s quieter this time round too. 

The biggest difference now? I trust myself more. I don’t make decisions because someone says I should. I go to my husband – we talk it through, we decide what works for us. He’s played a huge role in helping me become the mum I am today – not because he’s perfect either, but because we’re doing it together. That’s where my strength comes from.

The real mum I am is far from perfect 

If you saw me on the school run, you wouldn’t see a “together” mum. You’d see me in my favourite comfiest jeans I’ve worn for a few days or joggers. This morning I was drinking one of son’s apple juice cartons – because why not? Hydration is important especially when you’re on the go! 

You’d see me on down days. You’d hear me admit when things are hard. And that’s okay. That’s real life. That’s motherhood.

What I want other mums to know 

To the mum who still feels the pull toward perfection: it doesn’t have to always feel good to be best mum you can be. You can’t tell me there’s a mum out there who isn’t tired or worried they’re “doing it right”.

Motherhood isn’t meant to be aesthetically pleasing. It’s messy. It’s noisy. Frustrating. It will delay plans and test your patience sometimes. But in the middle of it all – it will also introduce you to a kind of love you didn’t know existed until you held your child.

Let that be enough. Let you be enough.