The Mama Perspective | Mum Blog

I wish I could be the calm mum – the one who doesn’t lose her patience more than once a day. The one who seems endlessly steady, softly spoken, and unfazed by the chaos of motherhood.

All I ever hear about is gentle parenting. And while I understand the intention behind it, if I’m being honest, I think I need to be more gentle with myself first. But how do you even begin to do that?

How do you look after your children, try to be on time for appointments, school runs, and life in general – while also being expected to look presentable, put together, and emotionally regulated? And now, on top of it all, I’m worrying about returning to work in the next couple of months.

Wow. It’s just a horrible circle, spinning around in my head all day long. Please tell me I’m not the only one.

When I’m running on empty

I honestly don’t always have the motivation to meet my kids’ needs while also being told I should feel good about myself. I don’t even know the last time I truly felt that way.

Motherhood asks so much of us – physically, emotionally, mentally – yet somehow we’re meant to pour from a cup that never seems to get refilled. We’re told to slow down, soak it all in, and enjoy every moment… but no one really talks about how hard it is to do that when you’re exhausted and overwhelmed.

A second maternity leave that’s felt a little different

My second maternity leave has been okay-ish some days – I’ll be honest about that. There have been moments of happiness and calm. But there have also been some really hard days. And if I’m truthful, large parts of this maternity leave have felt this way more often than not. You know why? Support. Or rather, the lack of it. I’m not talking about the occasional message checking in – because to be fair, there have been a handful of people who’ve done that. I’m talking about real effort. About showing up. About wanting to see my kids, care for them, and treat them the way other children are treated. That would be the dream, maybe.

But I’m tired of fighting for things to happen. Tired of hoping people will change. Tired of bending myself to meet expectations and rules that constantly shift – rules that sometimes feel like excuses, like people simply can’t be bothered.

Maybe I’m wrong. But that’s how it feels. And feeling like you’re not worth someone’s time – especially when it’s so easy for them to bail – hurts more than people realise.

Choosing peace over people-pleasing 

So here’s where I’m at. When it comes to my kids, I will not force anyone to be in their lives. And I will not force myself to include them just to make other people’s lives easier or more convenient. I’m done being the people-pleaser. Done being the “Oh, she won’t mind” person.

For my kids and for myself – I’m setting boundaries. Not to be funny towards anyone, but to protect my mental health. And yes, it’s tough. Especially when the very people who question your boundaries are the same ones defending their lack of involvement.

But I’m not paranoid. I’m not “just emotional”. I’m a human being – and I know exactly what’s happening. I’ll always see it as other people missing out. And that’s just it. You won’t convince me otherwise.

Sometimes you just can’t win 

Oh and those very same people are often the ones who say you’re either too soft or too harsh on your kids. Sometimes, you just can’t win.

But then again… what if winning isn’t about their approval at all? What if winning is making life happier and healthier for me and my boys. Maybe that’s the only version of winning that really matters.

Tell me I’m not alone 

Have you ever felt this way? Like you’re carrying more than your fair share? Like you’re constantly questioning whether you’re doing enough while feeling like your head might explode? 

What did you do to overcome those feelings, for you and your family? 

If nothing else, I hope this reminds you that you’re not alone. And that being a good mum doesn’t mean being calm all the time – sometimes it just means showing up, even on the hardest days.