The Mama Perspective | Mum Blog

Did you know that milestone anxiety is a thing? Yep, Google it and you’ll find out. We live in a world where someone at least once will ask, when you’ll learn to drive, get married, have kids, the list goes on. For me though, I don’t think it’s ever been about those things. I started to feel milestone anxiety when I became a mum to my son or maybe even during pregnancy. I feel like there’s a lot of pressure in society to reach their milestones including social media, what you see of other kids in nursery or school, and comments from people can heighten how you feel.

Personally, as a first-time mum, I worry a lot. It was a part of me before my son was born. I can’t help but wonder if ‘everything is okay’. Whether it be if my son is doing things he should be by his age or if I am really doing the best I can to be the mum he needs, and the wife to my husband.

When it comes to my son, I tend to wonder if I need to do something better to motivate him to reach new milestones. For example, people will ask, how many words can he say? He still loves his bottle doesn’t he? Does he take his blanket everywhere with him? And I can’t help but worry if I need to try more; to take those things away. Maybe I do but right now, he just isn’t ready. The child across the room is different and the person asking you all these questions isn’t or hasn’t been the perfect parent either.

Over the last couple of weeks, I’ve spoken about a few times about how, as adults, we rarely sit in a room and wonder when between the 2, 3, 4, 5-year-old mark, did we start to speak with sentences, recognise animal noises, understand how to count, or let go of the things that used to comfort us when we were younger.

I wish we could live in a world where we let kids be kids, in fact, in my son’s case, still a baby (2 years old). Okay, I know he’s technically a toddler but he’s only been in the world for two years. To rush him into the things he isn’t ready to do, just doesn’t seem right to me. He surprises us every day and I know a lot can change within a few months. We, as his mum and dad, will do everything to help him but we’re proud of him nonetheless.

He shines in everything he does, no matter how much more or little it is compared to other children. Comparison is the worst. It’s not fair on the child when they are so happy. I’m guilty of it and need to try to stop how of this I do of it.

Similar to what I said earlier about worrying, the same goes for comparing to others when I was growing up, seeing how I could be or look like someone else. Today, again, guilty! BUT the difference is, it’s more so on wanting to be the best mum and wife. The way I look affects me from day to day with weight changes, or bad skin days. Whatever it is, my therapist has taught me to outweigh those negative thoughts about my image to all the good things I’ve done in a day e.g. made my son smile, told him and my husband I love them, gave them both extra cuddles, put all the shopping and washing away (sometimes productivity is about the small wins).

Oh, and the same goes for a woman ‘bouncing back’ after they reach a certain time of postpartum life. Sorry, but I’m two years in and I’m still learning about the new version of myself, every damn day. It’s hard but I much prefer the side of me that prioritises my mental health, family, and what’s important. I don’t have my pre-mum body, the energy to socialise/party as much, or patience with day to day life (not sure if I ever really did have that to be fair) but you know!

Milestone anxiety stays with me but I know now that if I let it challenge me for the better, I will win. I always wondered if I would ever make it – being a mum and a wife. It’s the most magical journey I’ve been on and to have achieved each of the two, is everything. Sure, everyone has their own path in life but this is mine and no matter how it looks on the outside, it’s different from anyone else’s.

The next time milestone anxiety hits you, stop and give yourself a break. Before it gets to you too much, try something to focus on, like exercising or a new hobby. Getting back to writing is helping me. I’ve always loved having a space to let my thoughts out and resonate with others. So, I hope at least one of my readers can take something away from this post.