The Mama Perspective | Mum Blog

Soon, I’ll be giving birth to my second born child – Freddy’s little brother. During this pregnancy, Danny and me have been trying to focus on Freddy quite a bit and involve him as much as we can. Welcoming our second son into the world won’t be all dreamy and easy at first but it will be everything we’ve wished for so we’re holding onto that thought each day. And we’re going to make the most of those first few weeks to bond as a bigger family.

Being a mum is the best thing that has ever happened to me but it doesn’t mean that it comes without its challenges. From the newborn trenches of less sleep (I can’t wait for coffee to save me), toddler tantrums, and sometimes just struggling to know what your child wants, some days are much tougher than others. Getting through the days can make you feel like a yo-yo with the ups and downs of parenting but I’ve learned to accept that this happens now and not everything will always go as smoothly or perfectly as planned.

So, what do I look out for when it comes to maintaining good maternal mental health?

The right support

You’ll see a lot of the time, there are posts on social media around “It takes a village to raise a child.” Or something along those lines. But I don’t believe that’s the case. Sure, it helps to have this village but it doesn’t always mean it’s available for everyone. Danny and me know how difficult it can be to rely on anyone other than ourselves when it comes to being there for our son (soon to be two sons). That’s why, we’ve started to not pay any heat when other things or people seem to become a priority. Everyone lives their own lives but we know what it takes to live ours happily and people don’t need to agree; but for those few people that are around from time to time when we need support, we’re grateful.

The same goes for getting the right support for myself mentally. I remember the first few weeks of being first-time mum with Freddy and a couple of people said to me, “Oh it’s the baby blues. You’ll soon get over it.” But it was much more than that. No one ever really understands when I have my low points but Danny, or at least he tends to gather when something is different with how I’m feeling. He’ll joke now and again with the “Have you had a nap today?” Or “What have you eaten?” He knows the way to my heart!

A lot of my feelings that I’ve struggled with around my mental health stem from many years ago, even back to comments thrown at me as a child. I ended up going to therapy (CBT) twice in the last 3-4 years because I knew I needed to make the step. And I’m so glad I did – each time was beneficial for me and for my family because it meant I was feeling better in myself and affected those around me more positively.

When I found out I was pregnant with my second child, I was so amazed after thinking it wouldn’t happen, I cried, in fact me and Danny did together. But I also cried with a little bit of worry as the months went by wondering if I could carry the mental load again. And the answer is – yes I can. Not just because I’ve done it before but because I know the signs to look out for when I need extra help and I know what to/not to stress about when it comes to taking each day at a time and people’s opinions. In my mind, it’s all just noise when people bring in negativity and I’m going to dry and drown those bits out.

A couple of posts ago, I mentioned how I was trying to get the support from the mental health midwife team back and I did, phew. Now, everything is in place for when I go into hospital to be induced again for the second time round. The risk of complications around blood pressure are increased the later you go in pregnancy, especially for someone like me who has high blood pressure outside of pregnancy (with medication).

I am scared for labour – not so much about anything going wrong but more for the pain I remember from the first time round and how quickly those 6 hours went by. It wasn’t expected – the midwives thought it would take around 2-3 days for baby to arrive. Let’s see how this second ones goes!

Taking time for myself

I’m going to try to soak up more of the early newborn days up this time round. I remember crying on around day 3 because I felt like I wasn’t doing anything right. Now, Freddy is 3, turning 4 in August and we’ve been through an awful lot to realise there’s no right way that suits everyone. Danny and me know what works for Freddy and what best helps us.

It’ll be chaotic on some if not most days but I’m here for it. I’m going to remind myself to get outside when I can for a walk, take a shower, and take that support when it’s there to enjoy some quiet time on myself especially to finish a hot cup of tea or coffee!

I’ve prepared myself more mentally for recovery too. Having being induced before and giving birth naturally, tearing, then getting an infection etc. I have bought some products this time round (other mums will know – perineal bottle, spritz for bits, cooling pads etc.)

The newborn bubble is one of the best times and I want to make sure I look after myself as much as I possibly can to experience all the magical moments of it all.

Here’s to meeting our second baby boy!

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If you’re looking for support, The Maternal Mental Health Alliance and Pandas Foundation have some useful resources.