The Mama Perspective | Mum Blog

When you become a mum – everything changes. I don’t care who says it doesn’t. Your identity – how you see yourself in the mirror and possibly how others see you too. I know I’m a stronger person since becoming a mum, and even more so since bringing my second son into the world earlier this year. I mean come on, 9 months of pregnancy, labour, and pushing a human being out of me counts towards that right? But it doesn’t stop there. Recovery is hard. It’s mentally and physically draining even when I tried to convince myself otherwise during early postpartum both times round, especially the second time round like, I’ve done this before so I have to okay.

But here’s what no one really prepares you for – the mental load that hits differently when you’re a mum of two. Suddenly you’re split between meeting the needs of a newborn and still trying to show up fully for your first child, all while attempting to hold on to pieces of yourself. Some days, it feels like I’m juggling emotions, mental notes, and expectations that I didn’t even know existed. The endless lists. And in the middle of it all, there’s me – still a person, still a woman, still trying to figure it all out and trying to look after myself.

I don’t want to be perfect, I just want to be happy

For a long time, I pushed my own needs to the bottom of the list because that’s what we’re conditioned to do, right? Be the strong one. The organised one. The present one. The mum who just “gets on with it.” Ugh, I hate that perspective. But the truth is, that only leads me to feeling overwhelmed, overstimulated, and disconnected from myself and sometimes even the people I love.

This time, though, I promised myself something different. I made a conscious choice to prioritise my mental health – as a must. It’s far from perfect but I know I have to keep trying and get the support I need. Because when I take care of my mind, other things become more manageable. I wouldn’t say everything but more things do. I’m a little more patient at times and just feel a bit more grounded. More me? Or maybe a slightly different version of me – one that really is just fine most days. 

Finding calm in the little moments

Prioritising my mental health looks different every day. Some days, it’s as simple as stepping outside for five minutes of fresh air. Other days, it’s asking for help without feeling guilty or admitting that I’m not coping and need a moment away from everything before my head feels like it’s going to explode. It’s choosing rest, slowing down, and recognising that my worth isn’t measured by how much I can cram into the time I rarely do have to myself.

Most of all, it’s learning to tune back into myself – to listen to the signs my body and mind are giving me instead of ignoring them. Motherhood can feel so noisy, but within it, I’m in the middle of finding space to breathe again. And that, to me, is something positive.

I’m still figuring it out. I’m still learning how to balance being a mum and being a woman with my own needs. But I do know this: putting my mental health first doesn’t make me less of a mum. It makes me a better one. I really do believe in the saying, “You can’t pour from an empty cup.” You’ve got to fill that cup up to give yourself the energy and happiness you need.