I don’t know about you, but the last few weeks have felt… a lot.
Nothing particularly dramatic. No huge disaster. Just life being life, and some days feeling a little harder than others.
You know when you just need a couple of slow days? Days where nobody needs you to be anywhere, nothing is particularly urgent and you can just… breathe?
Except, when you’re a mum, where exactly are you supposed to find them? I think I’ve really been in need of a day or two like this recently.
Between work, keeping on top of everything that comes with family life, and these two wild boys of ours, I’ve felt completely exhausted. And while I absolutely adore them both, our lovely one-year-old is currently at that wonderful stage where he seems to have made it his personal mission to keep us permanently on our toes. Literally getting up onto our toes as he destroys something of climbs onto entering he can.
He’s busy. So, so busy.
If he’s awake, he’s on the move. If he’s quiet, I’m immediately suspicious. And if I sit down for five minutes, that is apparently his cue to need me or his daddy for something.
All day. Every day.
He’s into everything, climbing everything and generally determined to make sure we never get too comfortable. One minute he’s happily playing with his toys and the next he’s trying to climb onto something he absolutely shouldn’t be climbing onto.
And sometimes it’s hard to be mad because he just looks at you with that cheeky little face and you just want to smile back but he’s being naughty. It’s exhausting.
But it’s also one of those stages that I know I’ll miss one day.I think that’s the funny thing about motherhood. You can be completely worn out by something and simultaneously know that you’ll be heartbroken when that same thing is no longer part of your everyday life.
That’s the strange contradiction of being a mum. You can desperately need a break while also knowing how lucky you are to be living it.
When Mum Life Feels Like Too Much
Add work into the mix, the endless housework, meals, laundry, the school run, remembering approximately 47 things at once and trying to be a present, patient mum somewhere in amongst it all… and sometimes there just isn’t much left in the tank.
There have been evenings lately where I’ve finally got both boys settled, looked around the house and thought, I can’t do another thing today.
The kitchen needs cleaning. There’s washing waiting to be put away. There are toys everywhere. The house looks like it needs decorating, Jack has probably broken something again. Someone has left something somewhere it definitely shouldn’t be, and I’ve got a list in my head of things I need to remember for tomorrow.
And sometimes I just think, Nope. It can wait or actually, I honestly just can’t right now.
I think we put so much pressure on ourselves to keep everything ticking along perfectly or at least do. I’m guilty of it on many occasions.
The house should be tidy, meals should be healthy, the children should be entertained, work should be done, messages should be answered and somehow we should still have enough energy left to be a functioning human being by the end of the day. How?! Tell me, please.
Sometimes motherhood is magical and hilarious and full of those little moments that make your heart feel like it might burst. And sometimes it’s relentless.
Sometimes you love your children so much your heart could burst but desperately need five minutes to yourself. Sometimes you’re counting down until bedtime, only to realise that bedtime itself is a whole other challenge.
Sometimes you’re so tired that you genuinely can’t remember whether you’ve had lunch, and then you find yourself eating something over the kitchen sink because sitting down feels like too much effort. As I’m writing this, I realise now that I do this a lot at breakfast, eating my bowl of Cheerios stood up. Partly so that I can actually eat them without someone climbing on me or grabbing them from me.
And sometimes you reach the end of the day feeling like you’ve achieved absolutely nothing, when actually you’ve fed everyone, kept everyone alive, answered approximately 500 questions, dealt with a meltdown (or two), worked, cleaned, washed clothes, swept up countless times, and picked up the same toy about 10 times. That’s got to be something right?
Maybe We Need to Slow Down
I’ve been reminding myself lately that I don’t always have to push through.
I don’t have to fill every weekend with plans or make the most of every spare minute. I don’t have to say yes to everything. I don’t have to feel guilty for wanting a quiet day at home.
Sometimes the most productive thing I can do is absolutely nothing. A slow morning, when possible. A cup of tea while it’s still hot. A film on the couch next to Freddy. A walk without rushing.
The world will still be there afterwards. And perhaps that’s what I’ve needed to hear recently.
It’s okay to slow down. It’s okay if you’re not constantly achieving something. It’s okay if dinner comes from the freezer. It’s okay if the children watch a little more TV than usual because you need time to yourself. I used to love watching cartoons when I was younger.
It’s okay to have days where you’re just getting through. Maybe that’s something I’ve learned from motherhood more than anything else – sometimes getting through the day is enough.
We don’t always need to be doing something impressive with our time. We don’t need to turn every spare moment into an opportunity to be productive.
Sometimes that is the good stuff and the most loveable family moments.
The Pressure We Put on Ourselves
I think there’s so much pressure, especially as mums, to keep everything moving.
To work, parent, organise, clean, cook, remember, show up and somehow look like we’re coping beautifully while doing it.
And social media certainly doesn’t help.
It can sometimes feel like everyone else is managing to make homemade dinners, keep an immaculate house, take their children on beautiful days out, stay fit, have a social life, grow their career and still look somewhat put together.
Meanwhile, I’m standing in the kitchen wondering where my coffee went, forgot where I placed my phone again, and wondering whether I’ve remembered to do everything on my list.
Realistically, sometimes self-care isn’t anything glamorous. Sometimes it’s going to bed early. Sometimes it’s saying no (big fan of this one to protect my sanity). Sometimes it’s asking for help.
Sometimes it’s taking a shower without a small person banging on the door. I’ve got to say, it doesn’t happen that often at the minute, unless I have one when the boys are asleep.
Those little things might not sound like much, but when you’re already feeling overwhelmed as a mum, they can make all the difference.
Maybe Coping Looks Different
But maybe sometimes coping looks different. Maybe it looks like saying, “Actually, I’ve had enough this week.”
Maybe it looks like taking the easier option. Maybe it looks like cancelling plans because you simply don’t have the energy.
Maybe it’s putting your pyjamas on earlier than usual and getting into bed without feeling guilty that there’s still washing downstairs.
Maybe it’s ordering takeaway instead of cooking. Maybe it’s admitting that you’re exhausted.
Maybe we don’t always need to find the perfect balance. Maybe we just need to give ourselves permission to slow down when we need to.
Our kids will remember the cuddles, the silly moments, the stories, the belly laughs and simply having us there. And sometimes, being there means admitting that we’re tired too.
So here’s to taking the pressure off, doing a little less and remembering that we’re allowed to look after ourselves in amongst looking after everyone else.
Now, if anyone can tell me where I can find one of those slow days, preferably with a hot cup of tea and nobody shouting “Mummy” for five minutes, I’m all ears.
Because right now, I think I could really do with one. I always feel like I’m up against the clock.
The Mama Perspective 