The Mama Perspective

Motherhood and Maternal Wellbeing

The voice behind the blog

Natasha is a mum of two little boys and the voice behind The Mama Perspective. Passionate about maternal mental health and self-care, she writes honestly about the highs, lows, and healing moments of motherhood.
  • Solo Day Out: Why Taking Time for Yourself Matters

    Solo Day Out: Why Taking Time for Yourself Matters

    Last week, I took myself into town for a couple of hours. It wasn’t a big day out or anything particularly exciting. I didn’t have a packed itinerary or a list of things I wanted to achieve. I simply wanted some time to myself – a chance to wander around, have a drink, listen to some music and enjoy being on my own for a little while.

    And actually, it was exactly what I needed.

    Taking myself out for the day

    I think there’s something quite underrated about taking yourself out. When you’re used to having other people to think about, whether that’s family, work or just the general day-to-day running around, spending time alone can feel slightly unusual.

    So I decided to go into town by myself.

    I did have one important job to do: buy coats for the boys. Because apparently even my attempts at having some “me time” still involve shopping for somebody else!

    Once I’d done that, though, I was free to wander.

    There was no rushing from one place to another. No need to ask anyone what they wanted to do. I could simply walk around the shops, look at whatever caught my eye and take my time.

    A mocha and some throwback music

    Naturally, a solo trip into town needed a coffee. I stopped and had a mocha, which was a lovely little treat. There’s something nice about sitting down with a coffee when you’re on your own.

    No interruptions. No one asking, “Are you finished yet?” Just me, my mocha and a bit of peace.

    Afterwards, I got on the bus and headed upstairs to the top deck. I sat right at the front – like Freddy – because obviously that is the best seat.

    I put my headphones in and listened to some throwbacks. Atomic Kitten, LeAnn Rimes, Whitney Houston (my favourite).

    There is something about old songs that can instantly take you back. You can hear a song you haven’t listened to in years and suddenly remember a particular time in your life, where you were, who you were with or simply how you felt back then. I love moments that feel nostalgic.

    The importance of spending time alone

    The thing I realised during this little solo day out is that spending time alone doesn’t have to mean doing anything special.

    I didn’t need to book a treatment, go somewhere fancy or plan an entire day around self-care. I just needed a couple of hours where I wasn’t responsible for anyone else. I could wander. I could sit. I could listen to whatever music I wanted. I could drink my mocha while it was still hot. And I could enjoy my own company.

    I think we sometimes make “me time” sound like something that has to be carefully planned. But sometimes the best kind of self-care is much simpler. It’s taking yourself into town. It’s browsing the shops without being rushed. It’s getting your favourite drink. It’s putting your headphones in. It’s walking around with nowhere particularly important to be.

    I could have stayed longer

    The funny thing is, I could have stayed out longer. I had no real reason to go home when I did. I could have wandered around for another hour. I could have sat somewhere and had another coffee. I could have looked around a few more shops or carried on walking around and enjoyed having nowhere else to be.

    But, as always, I started feeling like I needed to get home. And that’s on me. Nobody was telling me to go home. Nothing was urgent.

    It was just that familiar feeling in my mind that I should probably get back now. Maybe that’s something I need to get better at.

    Giving myself permission to stay out a little longer. Giving myself permission to enjoy my own time without feeling like I need to hurry back. Because being at home will always be there.

    Why solo days are worth making time for

    That little trip reminded me that taking time for yourself is important. Not because something is necessarily wrong, and not because you need to escape your life.

    Sometimes you just need to step away from your usual routine for a couple of hours. A solo day out can give you space to think, switch off and reconnect with yourself. It can also be surprisingly enjoyable to realise that you actually like your own company.

    And you don’t have to travel somewhere fancy or spend lots of money to do it.

    My solo day involved a bus ride, a mocha, some coats for the boys, and a playlist full of throwbacks.

    You don’t need a special occasion. And you don’t need to fill every minute with something productive. Sometimes you can just do something for you.

    Next time, though, I’m staying a little longer.

    Spending time alone doesn’t always come easy as a mum, but if you can, try to dedicate some time to yourself. I wrote about some ideas in my last blog post: Ways to Feel Happier When Life Is Busy

  • Small Ways to Feel Happier as a Mum When Life Is Busy

    Small Ways to Feel Happier as a Mum When Life Is Busy

    Motherhood can be wonderful, funny, rewarding and full of moments you never want to forget.

    It can also be relentless. There are days when the school run, work, meals, washing, homework, appointments, bedtime and everything in between seem to take up every available minute. Finding an hour to yourself can feel impossible, let alone finding the time for all the things you’re told you should be doing to look after yourself.

    But feeling happier as a mum doesn’t have to mean finding more hours in the day. Sometimes it’s about finding small moments that make the hours you already have feel a little better.

    You don’t need a perfect morning routine, a child-free weekend or an afternoon at the spa. You can bring little pockets of happiness into your life as a mum and working parent.

    Here are some small things that might help.

    1. Give yourself something to look forward to

    When every day revolves around what needs to happen next, it’s easy to spend your time simply getting through the list.

    Having something small to look forward to can change the feel of a week.

    It might be your favourite coffee on Saturday morning, a walk somewhere you love, a catch-up with a friend, or watching the next episode of a programme after the kids are in bed.

    It doesn’t have to be exciting or expensive. Sometimes knowing there’s a little moment waiting for you is enough.

    2. Do one thing a day purely because you enjoy it

    Not because it needs doing. Not because it benefits your family. Not because it’s productive. Just because you like it.

    Listen to music you love. Sit in the garden. Bake something. Go for a walk. Wear the perfume you save for special occasions.

    It can be tiny. The point is to remind yourself that pleasure still has a place in your everyday life.

    3. Stop waiting for a big block of free time

    One of the hardest things about having young children is that uninterrupted time can be rare.

    If you’re waiting for two completely free hours before you allow yourself to do something you enjoy, you might be waiting for quite a while.

    Instead, look for the little gaps. Ten minutes with something to read. Five minutes sitting outside. A quick phone call with a friend or family member. One song while you cook in the kitchen. A cup of tea while it’s actually hot.

    Small amounts of time still belong to you.

    4. Make ordinary moments feel a little nicer

    Not every moment needs to be transformed into a meaningful family memory. Sometimes you can simply make an ordinary moment more enjoyable for yourself.

    Open the window and let some fresh air in. Take your coffee outside. Listen to a podcast on the school run. Light a candle while you tidy up.

    These things don’t remove the jobs that need doing. They can simply make the experience of doing them feel a little more pleasant.

    5. Keep something that belongs just to you

    Motherhood can take over so much of your identity that it becomes easy to talk mostly about what your children are doing.

    What are you interested in? What makes you laugh? What did you enjoy before you became a mum?

    You don’t have to recreate your pre-children life. But keeping hold of something that is yours can be surprisingly important.

    It might be your work, a hobby, friendships, exercise, reading, music, or simply having a few interests that have nothing to do with parenting.

    Being a mum is a huge part of who you are. It doesn’t have to be all of who you are.

    6. Make time for people who make you feel like yourself

    Friendship can become harder when you’re busy with kids. Spontaneous plans become less spontaneous. Even arranging a coffee can require so much thinking around everything else that’s going on. But connection matters. And it doesn’t have to require a night out. Send a voice note. Call someone while you’re walking. Have a ten-minute chat at the school gates. Arrange that coffee (I talk about coffee a lot don’t I), even if you can only stay for half an hour.

    Spend time with the person who makes you laugh until your stomach hurts. The people who remind you who you are can be good for your happiness in ways that a long list of self-care tasks can’t replicate.

    7. Get outside, even just for a few minutes

    A walk doesn’t have to involve a fitness tracker or a target. Sometimes it’s simply about getting out of the house. Walk around the block. Sit on a bench. Take the children to the park. Stand in the garden for five minutes.

    You don’t need to turn every walk into an achievement. Sometimes a change of scenery is enough.

    8. Create little rituals you genuinely enjoy

    Family life can feel like a constant stream of routines: breakfast, school, work, dinner, bath, bedtime.

    Why not put a few rituals into that routine that you actually look forward to? Friday night takeaway. Sunday morning special breakfast. A cup of tea after the school run. A favourite playlist while everyone gets ready. A Saturday morning walk. Reading in bed before you sleep.

    9. Let some things be good enough

    Sometimes happiness doesn’t come from adding something else to your day. Sometimes it comes from taking something away. The pressure to keep the house spotless, prepare meals, reply to every message, attend everything and be endlessly patient can be exhausting.

    Ask yourself occasionally:

    Does this actually need to be done?

    And if it does, does it need to be done perfectly right now?

    There will be days when the meals are basic, the washing is still in the basket and the house is nowhere near tidy. That doesn’t mean you’ve had a bad day. It means you’re human and you’re busy.

    10. Notice the moments that make you smile

    This isn’t about pretending motherhood is always wonderful. It’s about allowing yourself to notice when it is. The silly thing your child says. A cuddle that lasts a little longer than usual. Everyone laughing at the dinner table. Your child’s excitement when they show you something they’ve made.

    The sun coming through the window. A funny message from a friend. These moments don’t have to cancel out the difficult ones. They can simply exist alongside them.

    11. Ask for help with something specific

    “Let me know if you need anything” can be lovely to hear, but sometimes it’s difficult to know what to ask for.

    Instead, think about one thing that would genuinely make your week easier. Could someone pick the children up? Could your partner take over bedtime? Could you take things off your to-do list that are for other people rather than your family first?

    Asking for help isn’t a sign that you can’t cope. Sometimes it’s simply a sensible way of making life a little lighter.

    12. Have something that is just for you to enjoy

    You don’t need to earn every little bit of happiness. If you only have ten minutes today

    You don’t need to overhaul your life to have a slightly better day. If you have ten minutes, you could:

    • Sit somewhere quiet with your favourite drink.
    • Listen to three songs you love.
    • Step outside and get some fresh air.
    • Message someone who makes you laugh.
    • Read a few pages of a book.
    • Sit in the sunshine.
    • Do something creative.
    • Look at photos that make you smile.
    • Do absolutely nothing for ten minutes.

    And if you only have five minutes, choose one thing. It still counts.

    Happiness doesn’t have to wait

    There is a particular trap in motherhood: believing that happiness will become easier when life becomes easier. When the baby sleeps. When they’re out of nappies. When they start school. When work settles down.

    When the house is finished. When you have more money. When you finally have more time.

    Sometimes those things do make life easier. But there will always be another busy season, another school holiday, another stage of childhood or another thing competing for your attention.

    So. perhaps happiness doesn’t have to be something you wait for. It can be something you make a little space for now. Not perfectly. Just in small, ordinary ways that fit into the life you’re already living. Because being a happier mum doesn’t mean being happy every minute.

    It means giving yourself permission to experience more moments of happiness and calm – even when life is busy.

  • Who Am I Outside of ‘Mum’? 

    Who Am I Outside of ‘Mum’? 

    Feeling like you’ve lost your identity after having children is a completely normal part of matrescence. This post explores why maternal burnout happens and shares three realistic, micro-actions busy mums can take to reclaim their sense of self outside of parenting.

    It was a little while ago. The kettle was boiling, the kitchen floor was sticky with dropped toast, yoghurt and fruit, and I caught a glimpse of myself in the microwave reflection. I was wearing pyjamas that that were too big on me but I kept them because they still felt comfortable. My hair was in the usual messy bun, well it was a bun as such but there’s go with that. And it hit me that I couldn’t remember the last time I had a conversation that didn’t involve negotiating sleep or snack choices. 

    In that moment between wiping a runny nose and picking up toy cars, it hit me. I love my two boys more than anything. But as I stood there, I realised something else, something as mums, we are rarely allowed to say out loud: I miss me. Other than being their mama/mummy

    When you have two children at such a young age, your days are dictated by a relentless, beautiful, exhausting rhythm. You’ll see your organisation skills mastered, knowing what snack is needed from a little look, chef, and the comforter for wiping tears away. But somewhere in the middle of motherhood, the woman I used to be – the one who had hobbies, an identity I didn’t realise back then that I felt more confident about, had quietly slipped away.

    If you are reading this while hiding in the bathroom to grab a minute to breath or sitting by your sleeping baby, wondering where you went, I want you remember that the time will come when you will focus on you again. Maybe now is that time. It doesn’t make you a bad mum. You are just experiencing the silent shift of matrescence. But as I’ve written about before on my own journey of rediscovering myself in motherhood, maybe finding yourself again doesn’t mean going back to exactly who you used to be – it means learning how all these new versions of you can exist together.

    Why Do I Feel Like I’ve Lost Myself Since Becoming a Mum?

    It is the question so many of us secretly type into search bars late at night or early hours of the morning. Take me for example, wondering if it’s normal to feel lost after having a second baby even though he’s my entire world. 

    When we step into motherhood and especially when we transition from one child to two, our brain chemistry, social life, and daily schedules undergo big changes. Society expects us to absorb the change, smiling through the burnout because we are “blessed.”

    But this couldn’t be further from the truth. There will inevitably be times where mum life feels like a constant battle between surviving or thriving, where everything feels heavy and your mind runs on overdrive keeping track of the endless mental to-do list. This emotional drain isn’t a sign of failure; it’s a symptom of a modern parenting culture that expects mums to give 100% of their identity to their families, leaving 0% for themselves.

    We feel lost because our old markers of identity – our careers, our spontaneous social lives, our uninterrupted thoughts, are suddenly replaced by the needs of tiny humans. We become so many seeing to those needs that we forget how to manage our own happiness outside of being a mum. Reclaiming that happiness doesn’t mean you love your children any less; it means you care about your own survival enough to keep a small piece of you not only for yourself but for them too.

    Redefining “Me Time”

    When we look for advice on how to find ourselves again, the suggestions are often unrealistic. We are told to “book a spa weekend,” “go away for the night,” or “just get more sleep.” But when you are managing a busy household, those massive blocks of free time feel completely out of reach. In fact, trying to plan a massive break often creates more stress and guilt than it relieves.

    Reclaiming your identity isn’t about escaping your kids for an expensive weekend away; it is about keeping a piece of your mind just for you while they are right next to you. It means shifting our perspective away from toxic perfectionism and choosing wellness over perfection. Real self-care is built on small lifestyle habits, not adding more pressure to an already overflowing load.

    Instead of waiting for a perfect window of time that may never come, we need to focus on small changes we can make in our lives.

    3 Realistic Actions to Reclaim Your Identity

    1. Protect a 10-Minute “Non-Mum” Hobby

    You do not need two hours of uninterrupted silence to connect with who you are. You could focus on just ten minutes. Find the time, whether it’s during a nap time, right after the kids go to bed, or even a solo walk to the bus stop on your way to work with your AirPods in and dedicate it entirely to something that has nothing to do with parenting, cleaning etc. 

    • What this looks like for me: writing in a journal or writing a blog post like this one, listening to my favourite playlist, having a cup of tea that stays hot.

    2. Reclaim Your Personal Aesthetic

    It’s so easy to fall into the “default mum uniform” for convenience. When we spend our days in oversized loungewear and messy buns, it can subtly reinforce the feeling that this is how mums are supposed to look. While practical clothing is a necessity for modern parenting, choosing elements of style can provide a massive psychological boost.

    • What this looks like for me: putting on an outfit that makes me feel a bit confident and more girly, even if it’s a day I’m working from home.

    3. Set Cognitive Boundaries in Your Social Life

    As mums, our brains run on overdrive making mental notes of everything to tick off. When we finally get a chance to interact with other adults, we often default to talking exclusively about our children – their sleep, their milestones, or their recent bump to the head (does it ever end?). While this is natural, it keeps our minds locked in “mum mode.”

    • The Practice: ask questions and share thoughts that are completely unrelated to motherhood. Talk about a show you just watched, a career goal you are thinking about, or resort to food (that’s one of my favourites). Give your brain permission to step outside the typical mum conversations.

    Here are some FAQs about maternal identity…

    Why do mums lose their identity after having children?

    Mothers often experience a loss of identity due to a psychological transition called matrescence. During this shift, a mother’s daily schedule, cognitive load, and brain chemistry change rapidly, often causing her pre-mum self to be taken away by the daily never ending role of looking after her children.

    Is it normal to feel lost after having a second baby?

    I can say from my experience, yes, it is entirely normal to feel lost, overwhelmed, or isolated after having a second child. Moving from one child to two splits your time and attention, which for me increased maternal guilt and leaves almost no room for personal time or your own hobbies. You freeze out the option to consider new hobbies too. 

    How can a busy mum find herself again?

    A busy mum can reclaim her identity by practicing small habits rather than waiting for large blocks of free time. This could be dedicating 10 minutes a day to a non-parenting hobby, switching off from work, setting firm cognitive boundaries around family scheduling, and wearing clothes that reflect her personal style rather than a “mum mode activated” look. 

Anxiety Confidence Family Mental Health Mindset Motherhood Parenthood Parenting Positivity Postpartum Self Esteem Wellness