When you become parents, everything changes. The early days of parenthood are a beautiful blur of sleepless nights, endless nappies, feeding baby and trying to keep your tiny little humans alive. When we got to a certain point in our firstborn’s (Freddy) life, we were sure that we wanted to try for a second baby. And how lucky are we to know that we now have two beautiful boys?!
With two children to care for, our time and energy naturally shifted towards them. Our days became filled with school/nursery runs, thinking about what to cook for tea again, bedtime routines and the constant juggle of family life, while we both work full-time too. Somewhere amongst all of that, it became easy to put our relationship on the bottom of the list. Not because we don’t care about each other, but because some days are just so draining.
I think this is something many parents experience. We spend so much time being mummy and daddy that we sometimes forget how important it is to still be husband and wife.
Lately, we’ve been making a conscious effort to change that. Nothing dramatic. No grand gestures or expensive date nights. Just small, intentional moments together. Sometimes it’s sitting down in the evening and watching a TV series together (we’re fans of The Rookie). Sometimes it’s cuddling up on the couch after having some food together, and enjoying it all without distractions, even if that’s for only about 20 minutes at times.
One of my favourite things has been making the most of the days we’re both working from home and sharing our lunch break together. It might only be thirty minutes, but those little pockets of time help us stay as us for a little while. And sometimes we alternate that time for the gym, working out together helps me feel a little more confident and it’s also something else we get to do together while the kids are in nursery and school.
What I’ve realised is that keeping your relationship alive doesn’t have to mean finding hours of free time that don’t exist. It’s about making the most of the moments you do have.
I’m making more of an effort to hug Danny whenever I can, tell him I love him, and that I’m proud of him.!
These things might seem small, but they matter.
Parenthood can sometimes make you feel like you’re constantly giving pieces of yourself to everyone else. Taking time to dedicate to your relationship is important. It doesn’t mean you’re putting being a mum or dad second. In fact, you’re showing your kids what a happy and real relationship can look like and it creates a stronger foundation for the whole family.
We’re not perfect at it, and there are still days when the tiredness wins. But we’re learning that even small efforts can make a big difference. Because one day, the boys will be older and need us a little less. Back to the start like when we were a couple buying our first house together only this time as mum and dad. We’ve got to make these years count for something.
And that’s a relationship and family worth pouring all of my heart into.
The Mama Perspective | Motherhood and Maternal Wellbeing 