The Mama Perspective | Motherhood and Maternal Wellbeing – Page 6 – A space for real stories, shared experiences and modern motherhood

14 Weeks Postpartum: My Truths

04/09/2025

Week 14 (and a half) postpartum – how’s this week going? Honestly, I’ve been feeling a bit drained. I adore my two boys, of course I do. I’m happy that Freddy is starting his new class at school in reception, and Jack is as smiley as ever. But in reality, the truth, I’m struggling a bit this week. I think I’m still trying to find the balance. Having just survived the six week summer holidays, you’d think days like today would be a breeze. But I think everything’s just hit me at once, you know?

I’m allowing myself to feel how I feel. And in time, things will get better.

Writing helps me to focus

I don’t really know how to describe how I’m feeling. So what do I do when I can’t quite say it aloud? I write. Danny reminded me earlier that I need an outlet for when I’m feeling sad, stressed, worried, and even when I’m happy too because it’s important to have something that I can kinda escape in and enjoy. So, here I am writing away as the words come to my mind and typing them into this post.

The past few days I’ve woken up, opened my eyes and thought, “It’s another day, here we go…” in nothing but a positive mindset. Yet, somehow, feelings get the better of me. I’m not entirely sure it’s one thing that triggers me but rather everything at once – needing to make sure everything’s done, the never ending list, loving and caring for my children and husband. Some might say not everything needs to done but for me, it does. I can’t leave mess all the time. I can’t leave washing to mount up. I did tree washes the other day and the next, it was full again.

In order to be the mum and wife that I want to be, I have to be organised. Yeah, I have the odd day when I’m less active and I know that’s okay.

Some days I have it altogether – mostly! I’ll be out and about, everything feels good, happy, free. And other days, I feel like I could fall apart. You see, that’s the thing about motherhood, you’re not supposed to have it together 24/7. How could you? You’re human.

Being there for my kids is what matters and some days if that means a few tears, back into my pyjamas, and being fuelled by coffee, so be it. I’ve never been one to glamorise motherhood. I love it, and it’s the best thing to ever happen to me but it isn’t the only part of me.

I have feelings just like anyone else and anyone who’s a mum understands the up and down battle it takes to be a mum.

Reflecting on my first postpartum journey

It’s funny – not in a “haha” way – that I felt similar to this around this time during postpartum after giving birth to Freddy too. And now with Jack, it’s like a reminder that just because it happened before doesn’t mean it can’t happen again. I am stronger but I’m also allowed to feel sad, frustrated, a little lost. I’m not pressuring myself to be the perfect mum or pretending to be in front of anyone or any social platform. That isn’t real life. It isn’t always easy but it’s the most heartwarming feeling for the most part. You’ll only understand that when you’ve felt it too.

Sometimes I want to be alone – not in a sad way- not in a worrying way – just time to be me without a baby needing my attention or four year old demanding snacks. And it can take sitting in pure quietness to feel my calm sometimes.

It’s almost the weekend and I’m hoping to feel a little more upbeat again. But for now, I’m taking things slow and listening to my body. Even though I’ve been feeling the way I have, I know I’m okay because I have my husband and my boys. And that’s something I’ll always hold on to.
You Think You Can Hurt Me?

01/09/2025

Life has tested me in a lot of ways. Anyone that thinks they can bother me with their words or actions can’t. They’re just noise in the background (or silence in some cases) that I’m choosing to ignore. I only have time to care for the people who genuinely care for me and my family.

I’ve carried, birthed, and am raising two beautiful boys. I’ve healed from birth – not just physically, but mentally. I’ve battled with my head and comments over the years about my body image both pre and post pregnancy.

I’ve bottled up so many words from people in the past about my ‘sensitive nature’ – and now, I’m finally using them to embrace who I am even more.

I’ve managed to keep a household running, even on the days when the walls felt like they were closing in. I’ve juggled maternity leave like it was an up and down hill of emotions and somehow survived the six-week holidays on repeat at the same time. I’m pretty proud of that one to be honest.

Do you still think you can hurt me?

I have a husband – my best friend – who’s stood by me for over twelve years. Through the chaos and the quiet, through the mess and the magic, he’s been there. My anchor. My safe place. And our boys are the very heart of me. They remind me daily what love really looks like even through the loud, and messy moments.

Some days are still hard. I wake up and the noise hits before the coffee does. I feel over-touched before I even make it to lunch time. Overwhelmed doesn’t even begin to cover it. My child pulls at my attention – not out of being naughty, but just out of happiness. He wants to play, to show me something new, something he’s proud of. And sometimes… I’m guilty of zoning out.

It’s not him. It’s not me, either. It’s just everything all at once.

You see those posts on social media and articles online – they tell us to lower the bar. To rest. To do more of what we enjoy. But the truth is, I’m still figuring out what that even is now. What I used to enjoy doesn’t quite fit the same way anymore. And weirdly, I’m not sad about it. I’m just… in this space of rediscovery. Trying to meet myself again. Trying to remember what makes me me. You bet cleaning the whole house still makes me happy though!

So no, it turns out you can’t hurt me.

Because I’ve walked through the lowest and toughest moments and found pieces of myself on the other side. Because I’ve lived the sleepless nights, the self-doubt, the sensory overload, the love that only motherhood brings. Because I have a man who’s held me through times I’ve been losing myself and found myself again in a new way. Because I have two boys who love me even when I feel like I have nothing left to give.

I’ve stood up for myself in situations I never thought I’d ever have to go through. I’m still here.

Experience has taught me (thanks, high blood pressure) that health has to come above all else. I’ve learned that stress and worry isn’t always the answer.

And that? That makes it pretty damn hard to hurt me.
Seeing the Summer Holidays Through My Son’s Eyes

24/08/2025

The school summer holidays hold so much light from my childhood. I want to give Freddy the same or even more fun memories. Back then, I played outside constantly, knocking on for my friends. But my favourite memories were always with my granny and grandad. And as I’ve grown up, I’ve come to really appreciate the planning, money, and effort it took to create those memories. I think that’s why my grandad holds such a special place in my heart. He made anything happen. Alright, he wasn’t a magician but if something made me and my brothers happy, he made it his mission to give it to us.

Summer holidays always meant trips out – funfairs, the circus, the park, and most memorably, a week in Blackpool organised by my grandad.

Most people go on Haven or Butlin’s holidays these days, but we went to Pontins back then. We had such a good time. I only went that one year, in the break between my first and second year of high school. I remember taking a couple of friends from my class and I’ll never forget the fun we had. Pontins had everything a kid could want. And although Blackpool is sometimes called “run down” nowadays, back then it was the place to go for beach, rides, donkeys, and let’s not forget the doughnuts… YUM!

Sadly, my grandad passed away in my second year of high school, but I’ll always be grateful for that last adventure we had together – a special one to hold onto.

The first summer holidays for Freddy

This has been my first time getting through the whole of the six weeks holidays as I’m on maternity leave. When the six week summer holidays started, I woke up on that first day of no school and told myself, “Right, I can do this! Let’s get out the house for a walk—with my boys.” Completely alone, just the three of us. We left the house and let’s just say I wasn’t okay. Freddy switched and got upset because… he didn’t want to cross the road at the time I did. And then he just cried when he eventually got to the other side and didn’t want to go anywhere. Fast forward 24 hours and ever since that first day, he holds my hand or pushes the pram when we go out and is happy. I think the newness thrown him a little bit and to be honest looking back, I kinda get it now. So, it goes to show that he was listening, he just wanted to test mummy I guess?

Freddy’s birthday fell right at the start of the holidays. His face lit up seeing his friends from in and outside school, seeing family, and bouncing away on the trampolines at a play centre. He didn’t want to leave and honestly, I can’t blame him. That’s just one example of his endless energy!

The rest of the days have been spent going on little “adventures” (Freddy’s word) including a trip to dino golf, with the odd day or two inside, chilling, playing games, or sitting in the garden. We’ve been lucky enough to have some sunshine.

And guess what? We even managed a day out in Blackpool – “Mummy, daddy, Freddy, and Jack went to the seaside!” Bless his little heart. We spent a couple of hours on the beach while daddy and Freddy made sandcastles and jumped in the sea. We had some food, wandered around, went on a few rides on the pier, had fun in the arcade, and tried not to fall asleep on the way home. Well, Freddy actually did, and I ate some doughnuts obviously.

It was such a lovely day.

We didn’t go abroad this year because we welcomed Freddy’s little brother, Jack. And honestly? The two of them have formed such a sweet bond and the summer holidays have helped that more so. Freddy puts in so much effort to show his love, thoughtfulness, and caring nature. “Freddy, Mummy, and Jack” go everywhere together.

I can’t wait to go on a family holiday in the future. Freddy loves going on a plane and was born to splash about in the pool and sea. It’ll be lovely to see him and Jack playing in the water together.

As hard as the first week was, I’ve had the best time with my boys. Chaos, hectic days, bedtime (what’s that?) haha, just kidding… kind of. It’s been full of relentless energy some days but we survived. And seeing the summer holidays through my son’s eyes has brought back my childhood nostalgia.

Getting ready to go back to school

It’s almost September. That’s nearly one whole year since I was a nervous mum waiting for my firstborn to start nursery in primary school. I second-guessed everything then – the settling-in days, making friends, the new routine, whether people would understand his speech, the list goes on. But now? I’d like to say I’m more relaxed.

Freddy’s had his challenges, but he takes each day with so much happiness (excluding the occasional overtired morning or after-school pickup). His teachers have said he’s the one who says “morning” to everyone and scans the room to see who’s around. And if I know Freddy, he’s probably just waiting for the part of the day when the class does their maths! He’s our little maths genius, and we love how much he enjoys doing what he loves.

Learning at school didn’t come naturally to him at first, but now he’s shining and I’ll always be proud of him for exactly who he is. Our little boy, but also our biggest boy.

The uniform is ready and hung up. The school bag is bought. The winter coat is waiting. The lunch bag is in the cupboard. And Freddy cannot wait to start Reception.

I really hope this will be another year of loving to learn for him. Let’s go, Freddy!
Parenting Instinct Vs. Research: What do most parents really follow?

20/08/2025

As soon as I gave birth and the first 24 hours had passed, it was time to spend our first night at home as a family. That’s where it started – the wonder. How do we actually do this? There isn’t a manual. Well, there might be out there somewhere, but no one hands you one as you leave the hospital. It’s down to figuring out your own parenting style and seeing how things go.

Off the back of my last blog post on parenting styles, I started thinking more about why we choose to parent the way we do. Is it instinct? Is it research? Is it pure survival mode with coffee whether it still be hot or turned cold?

So, I ran a poll over on Instagram asking my followers whether they tend to “go with their gut” or “follow the research” when it comes to parenting. Here’s what they said:

• 0% voted for “sticking to the research”

• 62% said they “go with their gut”

• 38% chose “who even knows?”

I definitely expected more people, especially first-time mums, to say they rely on research or expert advice.

What’s my take?

As for me, I always go with my gut. Don’t get me wrong, I’ll take guidance seriously when it comes to things like health and safety. But ultimately, I believe parenting is about finding what works for your family.

That’s especially true now that I’m a mum of two. We’ve had to adjust quite a bit since Freddy’s little brother arrived. It’s no longer just the three of us – we’re now a noisier family of four!

And with that change came another realisation: research is constantly evolving. Sometimes too much, if I’m honest.

Take car seat guidelines, for example. When Freddy was a baby, we were told not to keep them in a car seat for more than an hour. Fast forward a few years, and now I’ve heard 30 minutes from one midwife, 45 from another. So what do I do? I check he’s safe, he can breathe, and he’s comfortable. That’s what matters most to me.

So how has my parenting changed from my first baby to my second?

• I’m definitely more relaxed.

• I don’t Google every little thing anymore.

• I trust myself more.

• I’ve realised that what worked for Freddy doesn’t always work for Jack and that’s okay.

I also asked my followers in a follow-up poll:

Has parenting more than one child made you more relaxed or stricter?

Here’s what they said:

• 25% said they’ve become more laid back

• 0% said they’ve become stricter

• 75% said they’re just going with the flow

Honestly, this made me smile. It’s comforting to know that so many of you are figuring it out just like me. There’s no one right way, and the idea that we’re all just doing our best is kind of beautiful, isn’t it?

If you’re parenting more than one child, how would you answer that poll? Are you more chilled?
How My Parenting Style Differs from the Generation Before Me

14/08/2025

Parenting styles have changed a lot. If you’re a new parent, chances are you’ve already heard some version of “We didn’t do all that in my day.” Whether it’s car seats, safe sleep, or formula prep, the older generation tend to be confused by how if you’re like me, do parenting nowadays.

So, here’s my light-hearted (slightly sarcastic) take on the things I hear vs. the things I think when it comes to parenting style perceptions. No disrespect, but some of these outdated mindsets are long overdue for the bin.

We didn’t have all this when you were a baby

Yep, times change. And honestly? It’s time to move on (yawn). I usually just smile and say something like, “Well, this is how it is now.” Also, sometimes it’s just how I’d like to parent my child, not necessarily a how it should be done. At the end of the day, it’s me (and their daddy) who have to figure out what works for our family – and that means doing things our own way.

Is he sleeping through yet?

What is the obsession with sleep, oh and weight too?! It’s like babies are picked off a shelf with a checklist: “sleeps through by 3 months,” “weighs X kilos by X weeks.” Seriously?

I don’t sleep through the night so why the big rush for my baby to? Don’t get me wrong – we’ve been luckier with Jack’s sleeping pattern than what Freddy’s was like at this age but it doesn’t mean it’s perfect, and it’ll be what it’ll be.

Oh my [says name of kid] was just like him as a baby

That’s nice? Thanks for sharing, I guess. But honestly, I’m mostly focused on my child. Can’t our babies just be their own little person instead of having to be compared to the similarities of another?

Why is it that whenever your kid is acting up, there’s always someone from an older generation that’ll say something like, “Oh, mine was worse!” Like… thanks, I guess? But in the moment, what I really need is help, not a weird competition. A bit of empathy wouldn’t hurt, you know?

Should he really be eating that?

Or should I say, “Shouldn’t he eat more of this?”

This one’s about my eldest. We’ve always found mealtimes a bit of a struggle and yes, we’ve tried all sorts of techniques. But for him, it’s more than fussiness; it feels like a genuine fear. Sometimes he’ll even put his plate of food in the cupboard just so he doesn’t have to look at it. On his birthday, we let all the kids choose their own party food and he got really upset because all he wanted was cheese and crackers, some fruit, and a bag of Quavers.

I’d love for him to be eating a bit of spaghetti bolognese or scrambled egg on toast with us again, but right now, it just isn’t happening. That said, I’m still happy that he chooses to sit at the table when he eats and that in itself is a small win. I’m learning that while it’s important to gently encourage new foods, a happy child is better than a fearful one.

Oh we didn’t have all these iPads and phones when you were younger

Okay, let’s be honest, we had devices too. For me, it was the Nintendo 64, a shared computer with my brothers, and loads of TV. I used to take Super Mario on adventures, race around in Mario Kart, and spend hours on computer games like Pinball, Minesweeper (random clicking was the strategy!), and Solitaire. Also, my grandad got me a Nokia 3310 and if you didn’t have one to play Snake, you were missing out!

And let’s not forget TV – Recess, Tom and Jerry, Art Attack… absolute classics.

So when I hear comments about “kids these days always on screens,” I can’t help but find it a little hypocritical. We had our screens too, the tech has just evolved. Sometimes I think it’s less about the screen time itself and more about a lack of understanding that technology changes with each generation.

In fact, my son actually uses his iPad a lot for the calculator! He loves numbers and checks sums constantly – it’s something that genuinely excites him. Not all screen time is mindless, and I think we need to stop assuming that it is. Of course, when my son shows sign of feeling overtired or frustrated, the iPad gets taken away or before if we see it coming.

At the end of the day, I know that sometimes these comments come from a good place. But parenting styles change and I’m doing what works for my family, right now. If only more people would understand that what worked for them doesn’t necessarily mean it’ll work for us.