The Mama Perspective

Motherhood and Maternal Wellbeing

The voice behind the blog

Natasha is a mum of two little boys and the voice behind The Mama Perspective. Passionate about maternal mental health and self-care, she writes honestly about the highs, lows, and healing moments of motherhood.
  • Not for the Scale, But for Me: 100 Days of Choosing Myself

    Not for the Scale, But for Me: 100 Days of Choosing Myself

    Yesterday marked 100 days in a row since I started my calorie counting journey. I haven’t done it to be obsessed with the numbers or lose a drastic amount of weight. Here’s why I did do it though.

    I have an under active thyroid so losing weight is difficult as it is. And I love my food, a lot! Still, I knew there must be something I could do. 

    What made me begin?

    I was around one month postpartum with my second child (Jack) and I was thinking about what I could do this time round to feel better about myself. Now, let me just say, my goal wasn’t/isn’t to look perfect, become drastically thin, or appeal to anyone. It’s about me – how I feel within myself. I wouldn’t say I love myself as much as I used to when I was younger but I’m learning to accept my new body and the person I’ve become since being a mum and battling some low self esteem and anxiety issues over the years. 

    At first, I’ll admit, I probably wasn’t calorie counting in the healthiest way. I was losing weight so much quicker this time round early postpartum that I was weighing myself daily, sometimes twice. I had to see the number going down otherwise I wasn’t happy. Eventually, I told myself to be less harsh and started to weigh myself every other day, then once a week, and now I’m not sure when I last did. But I remember that the number has stayed the time. Maybe I need to try harder? Or my body might just be where it needs to be now? Either way, I feel comfortable in my body. I’m nothing like my 21 year old self – but I’m not supposed to be. I’ve carried and birthed two children and also grown into a woman. 

    Go back a few months ago, I was skipping meals. I was feeling so tired in the evenings that I said I told myself I wasn’t hungry even if I was. Luckily, my husband always knew when I needed food the most. It’s the way to my heart! And he always did his best to get some food down me, if it was tea and toast some nights.

    Calorie counting has helped me realise just how much I love snacks and food as if I didn’t know that already. And when you’re married to another foodie, well, it ain’t half the challenge to improve eating habits. We’ve done it together though which has been good. 

    The more I entered food into the MyFitness Pal app, I was appalled at the calories on screen as if it was lying to me. It was a “What do you meeean?!” kinda moment. 

    Having a calorie deficit and making small adjustments has helped me to reduce the amount of snacks I used to eat daily, be more mindful of what’s going in my body, and also realise the relationship between my food and what that meant in terms of the types of food I thought I wanted. 

    What about staying active? 

    I’m nowhere near as fit as I used to be. Runner me, who? I’ve thought about the gym. I’ve been before, pre-babies, never as an every day goer but mostly on weekends. Then it became an occasional thing once I had Freddy (my first child). And to be honest, this time round, I just haven’t had a feel for it like I thought I would when I hit six weeks postpartum. I’ve taken the time to listen to my body rather than meeting society’s standards for postpartum life and I feel much better for it. It kinda makes me feel sad that I wasn’t this way with Freddy.

    So, after having Jack, I decided to be active in other ways. Chasing two kids around is bound to count as one way, right?! But the other is, walking. It might not sound like much but when your daily steps go from 2-3k to 15k some days, that’s a huge difference. I try to walk wherever I can. And pushing a pram round makes it all the more of a workout! I’m going to miss the benefit of moving around so much when I’m back at work next year so I’m going to try to make the most of it for as long as I can. 

    How am I feeling today? 

    Today, I’m one stone and two pounds lighter since around the 2-3 postpartum mark. Although, I’ve been around this weight for the last couple of months since my thyroid reverted back to hypothyroidism after thyroxine was working overdrive on my body – great!

    You might be wondering why I carried on looking at the food choices I’m making when my weight seems to stay the same now. And it’s because I still care – I want to keep all the hard work I’ve made.

    I’ve learned that taking care of myself doesn’t have to be all or nothing. It’s about progress, not perfection. It what feels good for me. It’s a walk with the pram. It’s making a better food choice, but also enjoying the foods I love because I’m making the better choices first. It’s looking in the mirror and slowly learning to say, “I’m doing okay.”

    If you’re a mum reading this and you’re feeling stuck, tired, or unsure where to begin – just know, you don’t have to do it all at once. Ha, my husband is gonna give me a look for saying that when I struggle to listen to my own words sometimes! Start small. It doesn’t always have to go smoothly. But do it for you.

    Because you deserve to feel good – not for anyone else, but for yourself.

  • World Mental Health Day: A Mama’s Perspective on Access to Support

    World Mental Health Day: A Mama’s Perspective on Access to Support

    Today marks World Mental Health Day, a reminder to reflect and have the conversations that often get buried under every day life – like being a mum as one example. 

    This year’s theme has a spotlight on access to services. And as someone who has sat on both sides of the access divide – receiving support through the NHS and privately over the last few years – I wanted to share a personal perspective.

    The reality of seeking help as a mum 

    Becoming a parent doesn’t come with an instruction manual and neither does navigating mental health during motherhood. The pressure to “keep going,” to hold everything (and everyone) together, often means we delay getting help until we’re running on empty. And when we do reach out, the path to support can be hard. 

    I’ve had CBT (Cognitive Behavioural Therapy) twice – once through the NHS in person, and once privately via phone sessions. And while I’m grateful for both, the difference in experience was noticeable.

    The NHS CBT, in person, felt grounding. I fast tracked at the time due to the fact that I was 3-4 months postpartum with my first child. 

    The act of physically going somewhere, sitting across from a trained professional, and being seen – not just as a mum, but as a human being – made a huge difference. It was incredibly difficult, talking through raw and personal m experiences but that’s what helped me get through a way of understanding how I was feeling and why. 

    The truth is, I didn’t go to therapy became I found being a mum difficult, I found it hard to be me and be everything I was perceived to me – the working mum, the career orientated woman, the helper in the family, to cry-to person, and a mum. And in between it all, trying to figure out why I felt so down and lost. It turned out that I had barriers to cross way more becoming a mum that I never opened up about and those had built up later than it should have to make me realise I needed help.  

    The private therapy, which came through a work-related benefit, was phone-based. While it was still helpful in some ways, it didn’t quite feel like real therapy to me. I was going through the motions – talking – but it just didn’t feel the same. It was the only option to get seen quickly, even though I would have much preferred to be seen in person. Unfortunately, there just wasn’t anything available locally.

    I found it harder to open up the second time like I didn’t really have the energy for it. This made it harder to connect me the therapist and harder to stay engaged – especially when juggling a full-time job and looking after my son so much so that my boss kindly allowed me to take the sessions in a private room during work time for an hour. I don’t think that helped the productivity all it to be honest. I was going through work related matters and personal stuff, I just couldn’t balance the two. 

    I’m grateful to have had the chance of accessing both services. Many don’t. And I’d do it again if the support was available. Talking through life from childhood, school life, growing up, career, family etc. did get me somewhere but it left me with two diagnoses after being assessed and I’m still not sure if they are separate or related to me another, you know? 

    On my records – I have both mixed anxiety and depression, along with PTSD, and then moderate anxiety and depression on the second round. 

    I learned a lot – you have to want to put time into CBT – not just attend. I took it seriously, more so the first time round and did homework to talk through the following week. Again, something that wasn’t always easy. And the thing is, the anxiety, depression, or negative memories don’t go away, you aren’t magically cured, but you learn about ways to change perspective, and coping mechanisms for when you’re triggered in the future. 

    Access shouldn’t be a privilege

    The NHS waiting lists to access mental health support we long and it’s expensive to pay for the cost privately. As a mum if I had a to attend therapy again, I have to think about work, childcare arrangements, the whole stigma and unwanted conversations from the people I need them most with, and the mental load of even figuring out where to start. For mums, it can feel like the system wasn’t designed with us in mind. I wish people wouldn’t assume it’s “just baby blues that’ll pass” or have a say on when to “bounce back”. Ugh, please. 

    For a mum’s wellbeing, and for the sake of our children’s wellbeing, partners etc. more needs to be done. 

    Maybe more flexible, mum-friendly support would make a difference like drop-in sessions, on-site childcare, evening appointments. Services that understand the juggle and reality of motherhood and want to help in doing more. 

    A message to other mums 

    If you’re struggling – you’re not alone, and you’re not failing. You’re human. And asking for help doesn’t make you weak – it actually takes a whole lot of strength. And for the doing part too. 

    I know how lucky I was to access support when I needed it. But I also know it shouldn’t come down to luck. It should be a right – for every mum, every person, everywhere.

    When it comes to the stereotypes around being a mum and being honest about mental health, let me say this… yes, I have hard days – just like anyone else. But that doesn’t make me any less capable, and it certainly doesn’t define my worth as a mum, an employee, or a person. 

    Who’s going to make more space for that truth? 

  • Letting Go of Perfect: The Mama I’m Becoming

    Letting Go of Perfect: The Mama I’m Becoming

    I’ve spent a lot of time – more than I probably realised – trying to “do it right.” The first time around, I was tracking everything: naps, feeds, wake windows, all the rhythms of baby life that are supposed to lead to the “perfect outcome.”

    But with my second son, something shifted. It hit me quietly one day, my boys don’t need the perfect version of me. They need me, healthy and happy enough to love them well. That’s it. That’s the core of it all.

    How has motherhood changed the second time round? 

    I don’t track anything anymore. No apps. No notes. I just watch him. Listen. Follow his cues. And weirdly – or maybe not so weirdly – it’s working better this time. He sleeps more smoothly. He’s content. He’s calm. People always comment on how happy he is. And I think part of that is because I feel calmer this time. Not perfect. But Jack has definitely mellowed me. 

    That doesn’t mean I never get snappy or overwhelmed. I still feel it build – the invisible pressure of things needing to be done: bottles to be sterilised, crumbs need to swept/hoovered off the floor, the washing machine loads to be done, food made, tidying the toys that make the whole house look like its own messy toy shop. But at times, I’ve come to enjoy these things more. And I’m not alone – I have my husband. I just tend to want things done a little quicker than they probably need to be done! 

    Maybe that sounds strange, but there’s something grounding about the everyday tasks now. When I’ve swept the floor or cleared the dishwasher, and I get to sit down with a hot cup of tea or coffee. I feel happy. Like, maybe this is where the real magic is hiding – the little moments in between. Maternity leave has been different to me the second time round.

    This mindset didn’t arrive overnight. It’s taken time, and could link to CBT (two rounds, actually), and a lot of work reminding myself of my mental capacity. 

    Standing strong as a mum and for myself

    Setting boundaries has been one of the hardest, healthiest shifts I’ve made – not just for me, but for my family. It’s not always easy for others to accept when you stop living up to their expectations, but the relief of not trying to meet so many standards? Worth it 100%. It’s quieter this time round too. 

    The biggest difference now? I trust myself more. I don’t make decisions because someone says I should. I go to my husband – we talk it through, we decide what works for us. He’s played a huge role in helping me become the mum I am today – not because he’s perfect either, but because we’re doing it together. That’s where my strength comes from.

    The real mum I am is far from perfect 

    If you saw me on the school run, you wouldn’t see a “together” mum. You’d see me in my favourite comfiest jeans I’ve worn for a few days or joggers. This morning I was drinking one of son’s apple juice cartons – because why not? Hydration is important especially when you’re on the go! 

    You’d see me on down days. You’d hear me admit when things are hard. And that’s okay. That’s real life. That’s motherhood.

    What I want other mums to know 

    To the mum who still feels the pull toward perfection: it doesn’t have to always feel good to be best mum you can be. You can’t tell me there’s a mum out there who isn’t tired or worried they’re “doing it right”.

    Motherhood isn’t meant to be aesthetically pleasing. It’s messy. It’s noisy. Frustrating. It will delay plans and test your patience sometimes. But in the middle of it all – it will also introduce you to a kind of love you didn’t know existed until you held your child.

    Let that be enough. Let you be enough.

Anxiety Confidence Family Mental Health Mindset Motherhood Parenthood Parenting Positivity Postpartum Self Esteem Wellness