The Mama Perspective | Motherhood and Maternal Wellbeing

A space for real stories, shared experiences and modern motherhood

about

Natasha is a mum of two little boys and the voice behind The Mama Perspective. Passionate about maternal mental health and self-care, she writes honestly about the highs, lows, and healing moments of motherhood.

Embracing Resilience for the Year Ahead

23/12/2023

As we’re in the last few days of December, some people set new year resolutions or maybe try to reinvent themselves with the “New year, new me.”

Instead of aspiring to become an entirely new person, I’m aiming towards becoming a stronger version of myself and that means being happier too.

Life is an unpredictable journey, filled with highs and lows. The idea of embracing the new year with resilience means that whatever opportunities or challenges come my way, I’ll face them with as much strength as possible.

Strength doesn’t come from erasing the past or discarding who we were; it’s born out of learning, adapting, and growing from experiences. Reflecting on the lessons of the past year has given me a lot to think about. Every tough time as unfortunate as it might seem at the time, is a chance to learn, and any little or big achievement is something to be celebrated.

In becoming a more resilient version of myself, I’ll need to focus on building positive habits, and that means a positive mindset rather than reacting with negative thoughts or dreaded worry. Rather than setting resolutions that result in a huge shift in identity, I’m giving myself the chance to make small steps to become a happier version of myself.

As we’re close to the new year, I’m going to carry this positivity with me and hopefully pass it onto someone else too. Let’s embrace having a different perspective on whatever comes our way. Remember how lucky you are to try – to be stronger, resilient, and happy.

So, here’s to the new year – an opportunity to face challenges with new strength, to learn from the past, and finding a version of ourselves that is not entirely new but undeniably stronger.
Deciding to Come off Antidepressants

08/12/2023

After being on antidepressants (Citalopram) for two years last month, I’ve made the decision to try to wean off them. It isn’t the first time. I tried earlier this year but that didn’t go to plan, turns out you can’t plan for it to be honest. There goes the planner and organiser in me! If you know me, you know!

You might think you’re in a better state of mind but sometimes you have to listen to your body if it’s battling change. Some people decide to stay on antidepressants for much longer time, it’s whatever works for each person. This post is about my experience in the hope it’ll help others who are thinking to make the same decision or if that time comes in the future.

The first time I tried to come off antidepressants, I was on a higher dose, and I experienced a lot of headaches and feeling dizzy. I think I was trying to set myself a deadline to ‘be ready’. I know that might sound daft to some people but my mind was telling me that because I had recently got married and I should start a fresh. Oh I was wrong. In fact, I ended up back in psychological therapy in August. It was obvious when I got into my sessions that there was a part of me that I left untouched. A side that I needed to heal.

Some people have the idea that therapy, cognitive behaviour therapy (CBT) in this instance, makes everything go away or when it’s done, “it’s done”. But that’s not how it goes at all. It takes a lot of strength to go to therapy, to stick at it, and to attend appointments when you’re feeling dazed out mentally and physically. Going to therapy isn’t just about talking; it’s building trust to be open with your therapist; it’s completing homework; it’s facing things that you thought might have been buried in the past, and much more.

For me, antidepressants was never an option in the past. I never really considered myself to need any kind of diagnosis and just considered myself to be a worrier. Two years later, I’ve been diagnosed with mixed anxiety and depression, PTSD, and more recently moderate depression. Neither are easy to hear, right?

I want to clarify being depressed doesn’t mean you don’t appreciate or love the people around you. It’s feeling empty and lost when you’re trying to give your all but it isn’t good enough. It’s feeling so mentally drained that you cry and steer clear from socialising with anyone, even stepping outside to the corner shop. And on the days where you do have to face people, like at work, appointments, whatever it might be, a smile can hide so much.

What does it mean to be okay? I think out of politeness we just want to shrug our feelings off and carry on with day. Being busy does keep me occupied, and maybe it’s the same for you. The distraction from the side of your brain that takes over feels good. But it’s knowing that it’s going to come back that’s the difficult part.

For me, choosing to take antidepressants, wasn’t just about ‘feeling low’. It was an option for me to consider to help make me better for myself and of course, my husband and son. And my experience of being on them has been really positive. Honestly, after a few weeks to a month, I noticed that I wasn’t crying every day and I found myself in a different state of mind.

It’s hard coming away from therapy and antidepressants, especially when they’ve been a part of the majority of the last two years. But I am going to try. I’m not making promises that I’ll be okay. Just yesterday, I felt irritable, sad, and confused, it was obvious that the withdrawals from the medication hit me.

I’ve learned so much this year – the most significant thing being – that people don’t have to understand. They won’t always get it but it helps if there’s a handful or even one person who will listen. You can’t always plan or predict the future. There will be losses and gains. But it’s how we get the strength to get through it and pick ourselves back up. It isn’t easy which is why I think it’s important to get help without the taboo surrounding the matter of mental health.

Now, I know the signs to look out for when I’m going into a depressive mode or feeling anxious about the future. I try to take myself into a different environment, and if that means just stepping to the front door or garden for fresh air, then that’s what I’ll do. Some days are more draining than others, I’m sure we all get that. I’m trying to take a new approach and find the positives in each day.

So, as I continue to come off antidepressants, I’m telling myself there are brighter days ahead. I’m done beating myself up. My journey has been filled with growth and resilience and it’s taught me how my past and present have shaped me into the person I am today.

We’re approaching the new year, again, where we all say, “I can’t believe how fast time has gone.” Let’s make that time count.
The Joys of Parenting a Toddler

26/11/2023

One morning you’re walking around the house stepping on cookie crisp, then you’re chasing your toddler in each room to try and clean his snotty nose! This doesn’t sound like the ‘joys’ of parenting a toddler but I promise, it is, with more to come in this post if you read on.

Chaotic mornings

Yes, it’s chaos but I wouldn’t have it any other way and here’s way. One morning, Freddy might not need me/his dad to help brush his teeth, ask for that cup of “teeeeeea” or cuddle us so close that we don’t want to move for the rest of the day. Toddlers wake up with a burst of energy in the mornings and just when you think you’re safe, the toddler tornado hits. Take this morning for example, it’s the weekend so we’re not in a rush to be anywhere but Freddy made his his mission to empty his crayons and pencils over the floor, dance in the kitchen, clap and happily say “Yay!” because he got his colours right. Our mornings wouldn’t be the same without his cheeky, happy, beautiful smile. Also, you’ve kinda done a workout at home already, so it’s a bonus!

Toddler ways

Freddy loves to get his coat (it has to be the green dinosaur one at the minute), grab his “shoooooes” for me or his daddy to put on him, and now lifts his bag like he’s a big boy going to school. He absolutely melts our hearts. Honestly, sometimes, you can’t get mad when you’re losing your patience at trying to get the other foot in his trainer and he’s giddy moving around because his happiness lights up your day… but we do have to get a move on, kid!

Cute habits

Freddy knows that he can go into the kitchen, take one of his bowls from the cupboard and place it on the worktop for me or his daddy to give him either: an apple, banana, cereal, crackers, a yoghurt, OR some mini white chocolate buttons, because there’s nothing like hyping a toddler up eh?! When he chooses a yoghurt, he will grab a spoon from the drawer, place the yoghurt pot and spoon onto his table or wait to be placed into his high chair. Watching him be content during these moments is everything.

Pronouncing words

I have quotes a few of the words above but I’m going to share some more. Let’s take colours as one example: “Ed, oranjjjjjj, bluuuuue, greeeeen, yellohhh, ink etc.” they are all longer or shorter in some cases of the actual word. Can you gather which colours they are? He is so proud that he runs over to us with a colour or pointing at a book or toy and tells us the colour. Another round of my favourites are his number pronunciations: “On, twooo, feeee, urgh, ive, shicks, evern, aaaate, niiiine, ten, eyevon etc.” What will me and his dad do once he eventually says them the right way? I’ll be sad to be honest but right now we can embrace the Freddy way.

Parenting a toddler doesn’t come without tantrums and meltdowns but those are tiny when you have a greater perspective for the love and laughter your child brings into your life.
3 Things I’m Letting Go Of

22/11/2023

As you get older, you start to gain a different perspective in life – what’s important to you and what really matters. I’ve still got a way to go with working on the three things I’m trying to remove from my life, or at least reduce.

Here goes…

Unnecessary stress

Ever worry about the small stuff? Yep, me too. I often create scenarios in my head that I expect to be the outcome that’ll come to life. Or I’ll worry about how I’m perceived as a person or avoiding an opportunity without giving it a shot. I’ve had experiences in both my personal and professional life where worry has piled on top worry and before I know it, it’s been a pyramid of unwanted stress, headaches, and mental trauma. I’m trying to let off of all the little things that I usually stress about, trusting my gut more, and coming back stronger after any challenge/s that come my way. Sometimes life will bring unexpected events into your world, remember to surround yourself with the people who support and love you when times do get really tough.

Drama

Spreading drama is never a good thing. Sometimes you’re hooked into it without even knowing. I personally think the people you associate yourself with can influence how you pick up gossiping habits. But whatever the cause, it’s down to you to change it. If anything, drama wastes time and energy. I like to think that where I am today in my life, I surround myself with the people who have positive energy and the ones who truly care, especially when their words are turned into actions. They are my kinda people.

Self comparison

Okay, I might be too optimistic here so maybe I’ll lean more towards explaining why I’d like to stop this. Comparing myself to other people has ruined my happiness so many times, I’ve lost count. I’ve avoided seeing people, having fun, believing in myself during personal and professional triumphs, the list goes on. I think we’re all here to be our own person, you know? I just need to be kinder to myself sometimes and remind myself of that. I’m sure I read somewhere once that life would be boring if we were all the same.

Anyone who has been there for me at different stages of struggling with the above, I’m truly grateful for you.
Reflecting on Parenthood and Love

31/10/2023

Isn’t it true that as you get older, you realise what’s important? My perspective has changed on a number of things. I think my change of outlook changed most significantly when I became a mum. All the high and lows I’ve carried with me, and the events I’ve experienced in life contribute to who I am today.

Each day is another day to tell my husband and my son I love them, regardless of what’s going on, there’s so much happiness in our lives. Each phone call to my mum is a catch up about this, that, and everything. Each waking hour spent with my son, is another giggle, kiss, maybe a cry but they are all moments to cherish.

I’ve had a couple of days of leave from work so I’ve been able to enjoy a long weekend and the last two days have all been about Freddy. It’s makes me sad (happy sad) to look back on all the time we spent together not only when I was pregnant, but the months after during maternity leave.

Today, Freddy has played real hard! I’m talking colouring in 2-3 times, had the play dough and sand out, playing with his numbers bus, smiled for photos with his Halloween ‘boo’ top on and so much more fun! With a toddler, you’re always bound to be busy, running around, and joining in the play when you’ve got the energy (or you find it). Each moment is quality time together.

Lots of firsts can fade as new ones blossom; there’s always new to smile about, emotionally in my case, like how your little one smiles and claps when they’re proud of themselves. Or the times when your heart feels so full because everything you’ve always wanted is happening right in front of you.

The other day, me and Danny were in the car, I turned to him and said, “We’re coming up to our eleventh Christmas together!” How is that even happening? Well, yeah, I know, time does its thing. But wow, oh wow.

We still dance in the kitchen and living room and find time for us when we can around looking after our son. It’s the little things like grabbing each others hands, coming up to cuddle from behind, bringing a chocolate bar and cup of tea into me at the end of the day. Honestly, I could go on. He might be the loudest snoring machine but Danny is an absolute dream. And together, our family is everything. Nothing comes close. I’m even more in love with Danny and we take on whatever comes our way, together.

You know when you watch a video in fast motion? That’s how life can feel when you look back. Seeing all the wonderful moments fly by you makes you think about the rest of what life holds. Priorities change with time, appreciation for simple moments grow, and a positive mindset can help you gain the strength you never knew you had.

Danny and me always remind each other that once we were teenagers in love, free spirited and loved all the fun in life. Now, we’re husband and wife, mum and dad. There’s no harm in remembering who we were before parenthood. It’s about picking each other back up through the challenges and supporting one another. Danny knows me better than I know myself. And sometimes when I think he’s not listening, he’ll tell me, “Go and be the amazing you!” when I’m doing that self doubt thing again.

The biggest thing I’ve learned, is to be the best parent I can be, to love as hard as I can, and to look after others, I have to work on me first. It isn’t selfish, I know that now and I’ve seen a lot of personal growth in myself. There are brighter days ahead with so much love and happiness to overpower any ‘bad days’ ahead.