The Mama Perspective | Motherhood and Maternal Wellbeing

A space for real stories, shared experiences and modern motherhood

about

Natasha is a mum of two little boys and the voice behind The Mama Perspective. Passionate about maternal mental health and self-care, she writes honestly about the highs, lows, and healing moments of motherhood.

Mornings With My Two Year Old

25/10/2023

Some mornings I manage to drink a whole cup of tea whilst it’s still hot. But other mornings don’t go that way. I either miss that first cuppa altogether or I end up drinking tea and coffee when I get to work. Do you think I mind? Well, maybe a little but mostly no. When my son comes to sit with me and cuddle into me, that’s the nicest start to the day that I need.

There is something in common when it’s comes to mornings with my two year old. It’s our time, for me and him to cuddle, play, watch cartoons and eat breakfast together. Then we get dressed and brush our teeth. Some mornings we have about an hour to spend together, others less. I love waking up as early as I can which can be a struggle some mornings, especially during the colder months.

He has started to enjoy kicking a ball around the house and loves going into the kitchen and using the floor as his little football pitch. Whenever me or his dad tried to hide the ball this morning, trying to leave the house for nursery, Freddy either found the ball or looked for another one. He makes us smile so much. Yesterday, Danny said, “This is the most I’ve seen mummy kick a ball in all the years I’ve known her.” We do these things for our babies though, don’t we?!

Freddy might not remember much of these mornings when he gets older and that’s okay. I will though and I’ll do my best to give him the love he deserves, especially when it comes to starting his day. I’ll try to close my eyes for a few more minutes and I’ll hear his little voice chatting away to himself. He never cries because he knows one or both of us are coming to get him. For an active toddler who acts like everything’s a climbing frame, he hasn’t attempted to get out of his cot yet (touch wood).

When me or his dad go into his room and his face pops up from his cot with the biggest smile. It’s the best feeling. It’s as though it’s a smile that he has just for us.

He has a little routine where we go downstairs, Freddy will bring his blanket and get cosy on the couch either before or after deciding to have cereal, a banana or apple, or picking at all three! Most days he will cuddle into the other blankets on the couch too.

Taking after me, he loves his cups of tea, decaf of course. The way he says “teeea” and looks up to the kettle melts my heart every day. I wonder what it’ll be like when he doesn’t do that anymore. Moments like these are so precious.

There’s nothing better than starting my day with Freddy and his bundle of energy, even though I might need a cup of coffee to two to wake me up properly. I could be having a tough week and he still manages to make me feel better. One sweet look, kiss, cuddles, smile, all of it, it’s irreplaceable.
Breaking the Barriers of Low Self Esteem

13/10/2023

World Mental Health Day earlier this week got me thinking about a topic to talk about. I started to write this post but never got round to finishing it until now. I’ve been through a number of challenges that have affected me mentally. Mixed anxiety and depression, along with PTSD have been outcomes towards the end of assessments and two lots of therapy. However, on my second time attending therapy, I decided to focus on something I’ve thought about before but kinda left untouched – self esteem.

There was a photo on my Instagram archive this week from 3 years ago. This photo was a slimmer, more confident, and happy version of myself. The truth is, I was battling a lot of self esteem challenges back then and I have been since before I was a teenager. Maybe it started when I was bullied in my second year of high school. Whatever the reason, low self esteem has a habit of creeping up on me still all these years later. It’s as though comments from name calling and messages have been embedded into my brain permanently. And then there’s me who plays the part that picks little things apart.

No matter if my husband or my mum tells me I’m beautiful, I still have times where I struggle to accept how I see myself. I’m guilty of putting the gym off and snacking but I should still be able to love my body for how it is, right?

I think it’s easy to self-criticise, whether it be something you think you could’ve done better or picking out all the little things you don’t like about how you look when you see yourself in the mirror. I remember one of my sessions in therapy – I had some homework – to write down the evidence for and against, for any negative thoughts I had about myself. In one column I wrote: “I look big in this T-shirt I’m wearing today”. And in the ‘evidence for’ I put ‘the mirror’. Both my therapist and me had a little giggle about it BUT neither of us ignored that it’s so easy to go to the side of your brain that has the negative outlook on things.

More recently I’ve discovered – through life lessons and two lots of therapy – that I’m still me. Although I might weigh more, not look glamorous every day or pull of the ‘natural look’, I’m doing my best at trying to lose myself and that starts with feeling happy. Especially on the inside because everyone will see what they see; what matters the most is how I feel about myself.

Whenever the perception of myself starts to differ again, I remember all the positive things my family and my therapist have told me. And although I can’t completely erase all the negative thoughts I’ve had about myself including how I look or self doubt in my ear trying to hold me back from what I can achieve, I can always embrace being me. And doing that means I’m doing my best.

Change can be a good thing and I’m glad that I’ve come out on the stronger side. Challenges and tough conversations have got me to where I am today. I am getting there with recognising my worth

There are lots of links and advice I could share with you but one thing I recommend, is the Mind website. There’s lots of information and resources on self esteem to help you take the steps to start to feel better about yourself. Also, it’s worth reading up Esteem under Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs.

Links

https://www.mind.org.uk/information-support/types-of-mental-health-problems/self-esteem/about-self-esteem/

https://www.simplypsychology.org/maslow.html
It’s All About the Little Things

07/10/2023

When you have a little person in your life, a son or daughter, or multiple of each, your life changes forever. With every little smile, cry, step, cuddle, they take a huge part of your heart that can’t be untouched.

Since becoming a mum, there have been little things that I’ve gotten frustrated at a lot; then there have been way more magical moments which even if I’ve cried, they have hit me in a way that makes me want to cherish all the other moments to come.

Earlier today I posted a video on TikTok showing my son’s handprints over our glossed kitchen cupboard doors. The old me would’ve wiped it as soon as I spotted it. The new me – in progress – is embracing the marks, mess, and chaos. I am trying to remind myself that those little finger prints won’t be around in years to come. The little but loud footsteps and jumping around the house won’t be heard forever; neither will the towers of building blocks falling down or balls and cars rattling down the spiral slide toys.

It breaks my heart to think but one day my little boy will be ‘too old’ and things will change. He won’t want to go for walks with his mummy, to be taken to the park and pushed on the swings, or to be cheered on as he takes on the bigger slide. He won’t need his mummy to lift his up and comfort him when he’s unwell. But I will still be in his corner no matter old he gets. He’s only two years old but I want him to grow up knowing that every little moment matters who shows up makes a difference.

Seeing him laugh when he’s playing or giggling, usually with daddy and grandad, lights up my world. It’s like the rush of everything else freezes and I’m stuck in these moments to teach me that time with your children is so precious. After all, as a parent, I am part of everything he knows. He might be cheeky at times but that’s part of his own personality. Whatever he does to smile doesn’t need to be understood by anyone else. Me and his dad will always be proud of him no matter what.

Just the other day he pronounced his numbers from 1-10 in a way that we understood. It went something like “On, two, eee… AAATE, nin, en”. He’s at a stage where he loves to say, “I did it” and he is so proud of himself and claps. We reinforce it. He’s learning at his own pace, and he is happy.

Who’s the little love of your life? What the little things they do to make you smile?
How Motherhood Has Changed Me

25/09/2023

As I sit down to write this post, I can’t help but think about the incredible journey me and Danny have been on for over 10 years. Becoming mummy and daddy to our little boy is up there as the best thing to happen to the both of us. It’s been a rollercoaster of emotions, sleepless nights, and countless nappy changes. But in the middle of the beautiful chaos, there’s something that I want to share – how motherhood has changed me.

I’m stronger than before

I’m stronger than I ever thought I could be. I don’t just mean pregnancy, labour, and giving birth, or the meltdowns between cries, and tantrums. There’s something that’s given me the confidence to stand up for myself though I’m still in the process of sticking to my gut when I believe in something.

A new perspective

Motherhood has also given me a new perspective on time and how precious it is. I used to think I was busy before, but now I understand what it means to spend time with your family and how they will always come first. Every minute counts, and I’ve learned to prioritise and make the most of each day including all the little moments. It’s no longer just about me; it’s about creating a loving home for our boy.

And here’s another thing, patience. Some days I have it and other days it’s challenging. The cries, the toys around the room, and trying to figure out what’s wrong – they’ve all taught me to take a deep breath and approach things calmly. I’ve realised that it’s not about dealing with everything at once but about being there, listening, and comforting when needed.

Stronger relationships

As a parent, I’ve also become even closer to my mum. I now understand some of the decisions she made and her great deal of love in a way that I didn’t quite see it as before.

But perhaps the most beautiful change is falling in love with Danny all over again. Seeing him become a dad, the love and care he has for our son, it’s everything.

So, it’s clear to see that motherhood has changed me in many positive ways. I hope that other mums reading this post take one thing away – embrace the way motherhood has changed you.
The Beautiful Chaos of Motherhood

17/09/2023
Motherhood – a journey that began on the day I found out I was pregnant with my son. From the sweetest sound of giggles and lots of cuddles, it really gives you the most heartwarming feeling. Anyone who is part of the motherhood tribe, knows that it’s also a whirlwind of chaos but the most beautiful time of your life.
1. Morning madness
  I’ve always been an early riser in the morning but as my son is a toddler now, I do wonder if he’ll be awake earlier or later than usual. Once he wakes up and I hear him chatting away to himself and his teddies, it makes me and his dad smile so much.
2. Multitasking
  From unloading the washing machine to singing “If you’re happy and you know it…” to your toddler. Meanwhile, wishing you hadn’t let another cup of tea go cold.
3. Messy but cute stuff
  Finger prints on the walls and cupboards, Cheerios and Wotsits crumbs on the floor, Lego blocks piles on the and another book, you get it. It used to be hard for me because I lovely a tidy, clean home but now I remind myself, that these messy moments won’t be around forever.
4. Bedtime
  Where did the saying “slept like a baby” even come from? It’s not always warm cuddly moments; it can be pretending to fall asleep in the hope your child will; trying to avoid eye contact; or hoping they don’t grab another toy. But when my son is asleep, I look through photos of him on my phone and start to miss him. A good night’s sleep is always bliss though.
5. Snacks and more snacks
  Give me crisps and I’m a happy woman. In fact, let’s say crisps, chocolate, chips, and anything that my husband thinks is just for him to enjoy! Sometimes a snack, let’s be honest multiple snacks, gives you what you need during the chaotic moments in motherhood.
6. Emptying the washing basket
  I feel like I’ve accomplished something great when I manage to empty my son’s washing basket but then… there’s the pile of clothes hanging out of the bigger one that belongs to me and his dad.
7. Embracing the chaos
  From the spilled milk, tantrums (especially during that terrible two stage), and never-ending piles of clothes to be washed, there’s an indescribable love that overpowers all the chaos. It’s in those sweet cuddles, kisses, and grabbing my hand to see where my son wants to go. That’s it – the love – it makes it all worth it.
So, to all the mums out there, know that you’re not alone. Embrace the mayhem, cherish the giggles and smiles, and hold onto those moments that you’ll never get back but stay in your memory forever.