The Mama Perspective | Motherhood and Maternal Wellbeing

A space for real stories, shared experiences and modern motherhood

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Natasha is a mum of two little boys and the voice behind The Mama Perspective. Passionate about maternal mental health and self-care, she writes honestly about the highs, lows, and healing moments of motherhood.
  • Navigating Through the Challenges of Milestone Anxiety

    Navigating Through the Challenges of Milestone Anxiety

    Did you know that milestone anxiety is a thing? Yep, Google it and you’ll find out. We live in a world where someone at least once will ask, when you’ll learn to drive, get married, have kids, the list goes on. For me though, I don’t think it’s ever been about those things. I started to feel milestone anxiety when I became a mum to my son or maybe even during pregnancy. I feel like there’s a lot of pressure in society to reach their milestones including social media, what you see of other kids in nursery or school, and comments from people can heighten how you feel.

    Personally, as a first-time mum, I worry a lot. It was a part of me before my son was born. I can’t help but wonder if ‘everything is okay’. Whether it be if my son is doing things he should be by his age or if I am really doing the best I can to be the mum he needs, and the wife to my husband.

    When it comes to my son, I tend to wonder if I need to do something better to motivate him to reach new milestones. For example, people will ask, how many words can he say? He still loves his bottle doesn’t he? Does he take his blanket everywhere with him? And I can’t help but worry if I need to try more; to take those things away. Maybe I do but right now, he just isn’t ready. The child across the room is different and the person asking you all these questions isn’t or hasn’t been the perfect parent either.

    Over the last couple of weeks, I’ve spoken about a few times about how, as adults, we rarely sit in a room and wonder when between the 2, 3, 4, 5-year-old mark, did we start to speak with sentences, recognise animal noises, understand how to count, or let go of the things that used to comfort us when we were younger.

    I wish we could live in a world where we let kids be kids, in fact, in my son’s case, still a baby (2 years old). Okay, I know he’s technically a toddler but he’s only been in the world for two years. To rush him into the things he isn’t ready to do, just doesn’t seem right to me. He surprises us every day and I know a lot can change within a few months. We, as his mum and dad, will do everything to help him but we’re proud of him nonetheless.

    He shines in everything he does, no matter how much more or little it is compared to other children. Comparison is the worst. It’s not fair on the child when they are so happy. I’m guilty of it and need to try to stop how of this I do of it.

    Similar to what I said earlier about worrying, the same goes for comparing to others when I was growing up, seeing how I could be or look like someone else. Today, again, guilty! BUT the difference is, it’s more so on wanting to be the best mum and wife. The way I look affects me from day to day with weight changes, or bad skin days. Whatever it is, my therapist has taught me to outweigh those negative thoughts about my image to all the good things I’ve done in a day e.g. made my son smile, told him and my husband I love them, gave them both extra cuddles, put all the shopping and washing away (sometimes productivity is about the small wins).

    Oh, and the same goes for a woman ‘bouncing back’ after they reach a certain time of postpartum life. Sorry, but I’m two years in and I’m still learning about the new version of myself, every damn day. It’s hard but I much prefer the side of me that prioritises my mental health, family, and what’s important. I don’t have my pre-mum body, the energy to socialise/party as much, or patience with day to day life (not sure if I ever really did have that to be fair) but you know!

    Milestone anxiety stays with me but I know now that if I let it challenge me for the better, I will win. I always wondered if I would ever make it – being a mum and a wife. It’s the most magical journey I’ve been on and to have achieved each of the two, is everything. Sure, everyone has their own path in life but this is mine and no matter how it looks on the outside, it’s different from anyone else’s.

    The next time milestone anxiety hits you, stop and give yourself a break. Before it gets to you too much, try something to focus on, like exercising or a new hobby. Getting back to writing is helping me. I’ve always loved having a space to let my thoughts out and resonate with others. So, I hope at least one of my readers can take something away from this post.

  • Is Today a Good Day?

    Is Today a Good Day?

    Too often, I’ve had one of those days and tell myself that tomorrow is a new day. But really, I think it’s all about mindset. How you see a good day or a bad day might be different to someone else’s version. Maybe a change in how you see what’s good can make a difference. Here’s what I mean…

    For me, how I wake up in the morning tends to affect how the rest of my day goes, for the most part anyway. So, if I wake up feeling groggy and tired, sometimes I’ll tell myself I don’t wanna do today or I don’t know if I can do today. Truth is, until I physically get up and do what I’ve tried to avoid, it doesn’t turn out to be as bad as I think it’s going to be.

    I find it so easy to be triggered by the side of my brain that worries about something before it’s happened, or to think hypothetically and create what if scenarios. But how about changing those thoughts to what if I can make today a good day?

    Not everything is in my control, that’s life. I know I can make a difference though to remember that sometimes, how I feel is down to how I react to news/events and what I’ve witnessed day-to-day. Other times, people or life itself is just challenging. It’s almost like I’m feeling tested from time to time.

    A good day for me can range from getting up out of bed in the morning and having a shower to enjoying a cup of tea and having a moment to myself. It can be waking up to my husband and son, to see a smile on their face. A good day is also when I laugh a lot unexpectedly; having genuine conversations with nice people; or achieving a personal goal.

    From here now on, I’m going to try harder to bring myself back to the circle of things that make me happier and help to put me in a better place mentally and physically. I’ve spent too much time beating myself up over little things. All good days are to treasure, to learn, and appreciate the things and people you love.

  • It’s Time to Focus on What Really Matters

    It’s Time to Focus on What Really Matters

    Over the last couple of weeks during my therapy sessions, I’ve been rediscovering my values and the importance each one of them holds in my life. It can be an easy task to do but it’s the reminder of what they tell you that hits hard.

    I’ve been telling myself that therapy this time round is different, I keep repeating “I’m not as bad as I was last time”. It’s almost as though I’m telling myself I’ve failed if I’m back in the same place. This week, I’ve struggled a little more and now, I’m telling myself to slow down.

    Here are some the things and people I value the most and think about when I need to circle back into positivity.

    Being a mum

    My absolute aim as a parent, is to be a loving mum, one who listens, and spends quality time with my boy. I want to be the mum he runs too if he’s upset and needs someone to hold him. But I also want him to run to me in all the moments he’s excited about the things that make him happy.

    When he learns something new, I want to be his biggest cheerer, the one who tells him he’s so brave and clever. I want to be the mum he will always find comfort in, no matter what.

    Being a wife

    I’m lucky to be married to my best friend. The two of us have built an amazing life together. We’re also a strong family unit with our son. What we have today hasn’t come without challenges though. Talking to each other has gotten us through the hardest of times.

    Every day I want to tell my husband I love him and ask how his day is/has been. I want him to know he’s to most sweetest and kindest soul. I want him to see that I’ll never leave his side. And I’m so grateful that he consistently stands by me through the happy and grumpy days.

    Being a friend

    For me, it doesn’t need to be a large group of people, rather one, two, or three people who I know I can count on. And I’ll do the same for them. The friends who offer their shoulder to cry on, listen to me ranting or sit there in silence when I can’t say a word, they’re the ones for me.

    The random moments of laughter over the littlest things; being ourselves without any judgement; and creating fun memories together.

    Being a daughter

    Last but definitely not least, my mum and dad. Recently, I’ve had some really sad thoughts in my mind about what my life would be like without them. I know, I shouldn’t think that way but they’re so precious to me. And I think as part of getting older, it does cross your mind.

    I might call them a pain or I might do something to annoy them. But no matter what, the two of them are always there. It’s never been about always getting it right, it’s just being there that’s mattered. As my parents, as in-laws, and most specially as grandparents, we love them so much and there’s not a day that goes by where we’re not thankful for them being around.

    So, in the midst of parenting chaos, deadlines at work, eating myself up with worrying thoughts, I need to remember that being happy and looking after myself has to come first. To be the mum, wife, daughter, and friend that the most important people in my life deserve, I need to revert back to the special things in my life.

  • Celebrating Two Years of Motherhood

    Celebrating Two Years of Motherhood

    This month marked two years since my baby came into the world. My beautiful boy, full of cheekiness and cleverness, is forever changing my life. Over the last couple of years, tiredness and patience have been tested but I have been given the most incredible gift, my son.

    Since becoming a mum, I’ve had a lot of realisations and it’s given me the strength to:

    1. Attend therapy. I’m on my second referral at the moment and both times have proven to be one of the best things I’ve done to help me be better for me, getting a little closer to finding myself again and facing habits and thoughts that have affected me for years.
    2. Make health and happiness a priority. Mentally, I’m stronger. Just because I’m in therapy, it doesn’t make me weak, I’m working harder for me, my husband, and my son. Also, reality has hit that
    3. Accept that times change. Friendships can become distant; you get to know some people more, others less; and the people who show up in the hardest of times are the people you learn to love and appreciate more.
    4. Understand how precious time is. Recently, I am struggling with knowing that the closest people in my life won’t be here forever but I can make the most of here and now. Getting older and being a mum, the smaller moments are soaked in so much more than before.
    5. Stand up for myself. If anyone comments or confronts me in a negative way whether it be aimed at me, my son, my husband etc. I’ve found the confidence to say something.
    6. Talk about sad memories. There’s a side of me that I feel has been untouched when it comes to thinking I’m okay or done with the past. Therapy is helping me with this.
    7. See that my self-esteem has dropped. But there’s actually a positive in this, in that, I am slowly accepting that my body has changed. And it’s okay because I am mother and a wife who is loved and that helps to bring it up at times.
    8. Be clear about my priorities. My son comes first. If he needs me, social plans, work meetings, projects etc. can wait. He is growing up in a world where I want him to see what’s important. Being there for him is everything. Every single inch of his happiness warms my heart.
    9. Understand who I really need. Sometimes, I need my son more than he needs me. Our little trio – Danny, Freddy and me – is home. There are days when I’m struggling and Freddy gives me the warmth, love, and comfort I need. There are days when watching pure joy on his face and he plays in the living room has brought a tear to my eye.
    10. Fall deeper in love. One of my biggest flaws is worrying. I used to wonder if Danny would ever walk away from me, not finding me attractive anymore. Now, we’re here, married. I know he’s not going anywhere.

    Can you relate to any of this?

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  • Referring Myself Back to Therapy

    Referring Myself Back to Therapy

    I’m not sure where to start with this post so I’ll just write what comes to me as I go along. For a while now, maybe a couple a months, I haven’t been feeling myself. I’ve debated whether to go back to therapy but I kept telling myself it’s too soon because I finished my first lot of therapy in February this year.

    Am I a failure? I thought I was better, why do I feel low again? Why can’t I cope without therapy? Do I need to be stronger?

    The truth is, I’ve started to realise that admitting I need help, doesn’t mean I’m weak. I mean, I need to tell this to myself on repeat to believe it but I need someone to talk to – who will listen and help me understand what’s going on. I have a circle of people around me who care but sometimes the extra step is needed.

    I thought I would have more time to be that person who got through therapy before and can fight her own battles, mentally and physically. That’s not how it’s going though. I wouldn’t say I’m in as bad of a place as last year but my triggers have got the better of me. And I’m not willing to ignore them before I start to lose myself and affect the people I love the most.

    Right now, I can’t really explain how I feel, other than that something feels off. I’m struggling to stop myself from crying most days, and I can easily think of something sad to make me feel low. I might not be reacting in the right way but I’m recognising it and I’m trying to work on it.

    If there’s one thing my therapist taught me the first time round, it’s how to recognise when you’re falling into a darker place, whether it be through self sabotage or a traumatic event. I’ll never forget my first session face-to-face session when I was asked, “Have you ever been through trauma, Natasha?” to which I answered no. Fast forward nine months to February this year, I finished therapy with a letter to my GP explaining my symptoms of anxiety and depression alongside PTSD. Since a young age, I’ve always thought things were just in my head. And to be honest, I do have an awful habit of expecting the worst at times but what I felt and feel every day is real, just like you reading this post. It’s so easy to disregard your own feelings but be there to help another person.

    I find that when my mental health worsens, I remind myself of all the precious people in my life and everything I have to treasure. But when I’m telling myself I’m okay as I feel sad for reasons I don’t know of right now, I beat myself up as I wonder if now is the time to be struggling. Isn’t it my responsibility as a wife, mum, daughter, and a friend, to look out for the people closest to me? It is but perhaps I also need to look out for me too.

    So many mental health conditions including anxiety and depression can be misinterpreted. Just because some people are starting to talk more than others, doesn’t mean it’s just something you should have to go through. What one person goes through, isn’t the same for another. One person’s coping mechanisms don’t work the same as they do the others. And what’s traumatic for me, might not be traumatic for you, and vice versa.

    So, here’s to attending therapy again, to help me change perspective. I remember how much of an emotional rollercoaster it was before but also one of the best things I’ve ever said yes to. I’m positive it’ll be the same this time round. Last time, I made the decision to focus on what was a priority but this time, I think I’ll be focusing on the parts of myself I haven’t ever really got to grips with.

    I’m so grateful to have support around me from Danny, family, and friends. I want to do my best to show them that I don’t ever want them to feel taken for granted or disregard the little things they do to make smile. Especially Danny, who took a drive to go and get me a hot chocolate and a bar of chocolate last night when I was feeling off. I know, I’ve married the right man, haven’t I?!

    I’ll be back soon to share my experience of therapy the second time round.