The Mama Perspective | Motherhood and Maternal Wellbeing – Page 9 – A space for real stories, shared experiences and modern motherhood

What Good Maternal Mental Health Means to Me

07/05/2025

Soon, I’ll be giving birth to my second born child – Freddy’s little brother. During this pregnancy, Danny and me have been trying to focus on Freddy quite a bit and involve him as much as we can. Welcoming our second son into the world won’t be all dreamy and easy at first but it will be everything we’ve wished for so we’re holding onto that thought each day. And we’re going to make the most of those first few weeks to bond as a bigger family.

Being a mum is the best thing that has ever happened to me but it doesn’t mean that it comes without its challenges. From the newborn trenches of less sleep (I can’t wait for coffee to save me), toddler tantrums, and sometimes just struggling to know what your child wants, some days are much tougher than others. Getting through the days can make you feel like a yo-yo with the ups and downs of parenting but I’ve learned to accept that this happens now and not everything will always go as smoothly or perfectly as planned.

So, what do I look out for when it comes to maintaining good maternal mental health?

The right support

You’ll see a lot of the time, there are posts on social media around “It takes a village to raise a child.” Or something along those lines. But I don’t believe that’s the case. Sure, it helps to have this village but it doesn’t always mean it’s available for everyone. Danny and me know how difficult it can be to rely on anyone other than ourselves when it comes to being there for our son (soon to be two sons). That’s why, we’ve started to not pay any heat when other things or people seem to become a priority. Everyone lives their own lives but we know what it takes to live ours happily and people don’t need to agree; but for those few people that are around from time to time when we need support, we’re grateful.

The same goes for getting the right support for myself mentally. I remember the first few weeks of being first-time mum with Freddy and a couple of people said to me, “Oh it’s the baby blues. You’ll soon get over it.” But it was much more than that. No one ever really understands when I have my low points but Danny, or at least he tends to gather when something is different with how I’m feeling. He’ll joke now and again with the “Have you had a nap today?” Or “What have you eaten?” He knows the way to my heart!

A lot of my feelings that I’ve struggled with around my mental health stem from many years ago, even back to comments thrown at me as a child. I ended up going to therapy (CBT) twice in the last 3-4 years because I knew I needed to make the step. And I’m so glad I did – each time was beneficial for me and for my family because it meant I was feeling better in myself and affected those around me more positively.

When I found out I was pregnant with my second child, I was so amazed after thinking it wouldn’t happen, I cried, in fact me and Danny did together. But I also cried with a little bit of worry as the months went by wondering if I could carry the mental load again. And the answer is – yes I can. Not just because I’ve done it before but because I know the signs to look out for when I need extra help and I know what to/not to stress about when it comes to taking each day at a time and people’s opinions. In my mind, it’s all just noise when people bring in negativity and I’m going to dry and drown those bits out.

A couple of posts ago, I mentioned how I was trying to get the support from the mental health midwife team back and I did, phew. Now, everything is in place for when I go into hospital to be induced again for the second time round. The risk of complications around blood pressure are increased the later you go in pregnancy, especially for someone like me who has high blood pressure outside of pregnancy (with medication).

I am scared for labour – not so much about anything going wrong but more for the pain I remember from the first time round and how quickly those 6 hours went by. It wasn’t expected – the midwives thought it would take around 2-3 days for baby to arrive. Let’s see how this second ones goes!

Taking time for myself

I’m going to try to soak up more of the early newborn days up this time round. I remember crying on around day 3 because I felt like I wasn’t doing anything right. Now, Freddy is 3, turning 4 in August and we’ve been through an awful lot to realise there’s no right way that suits everyone. Danny and me know what works for Freddy and what best helps us.

It’ll be chaotic on some if not most days but I’m here for it. I’m going to remind myself to get outside when I can for a walk, take a shower, and take that support when it’s there to enjoy some quiet time on myself especially to finish a hot cup of tea or coffee!

I’ve prepared myself more mentally for recovery too. Having being induced before and giving birth naturally, tearing, then getting an infection etc. I have bought some products this time round (other mums will know – perineal bottle, spritz for bits, cooling pads etc.)

The newborn bubble is one of the best times and I want to make sure I look after myself as much as I possibly can to experience all the magical moments of it all.

Here’s to meeting our second baby boy!

If you’re looking for support, The Maternal Mental Health Alliance and Pandas Foundation have some useful resources.
How Birthdays Change Over the Years

26/04/2025

This month, I celebrated turning 31 years old and hitting 34 weeks pregnant on the same day. It was a quiet milestone, and it got me thinking about how birthdays can change as we get older or maybe because we’re at a different stage of our lives to someone else. This year I worked my usual working day although it was nice to have worked from home. Then in the evening I couldn’t wait to have a nice bath whilst Danny took Freddy to the park. The two of them also surprised me by singing Happy Birthday with cake and candles, after Danny telling me “to sit down a minute please to relax.” He says that so often to me, especially these days! And Danny being Danny, also put banners around the house including the front door even though it wasn’t a significant birthday – he just wanted to make that special effort and I love him even more for that.

When I look back to my twenties, birthdays were let’s say more exciting. There were more group messages, more social media notifications, and a lot more going on. This year, I noticed fewer texts and DMs but some messages came from people I hadn’t spoken to in a while including old colleagues and family members who I don’t see often. It felt nice for a little message to show acknowledgment of my birthday or to know someone was thinking of me.

Then there’s the birthday card situation. Cards seem to be less these days, but I’ve always loved receiving them. My favourites this year came from my husband and son (no shock there), but I also loved the thoughtfulness of two of my colleagues who’ve been there for me in different ways. Walking into work the day after my birthday and being greeted with that kind of kindness made the day feel that much better.

Turning 31 didn’t stop me from getting excited about cake and being thankful for cute themed gifts – just like the person who got me a Stitch gift bag and card that made my inner child smile. And another person who included cake (because they underhand the importance of cake on a birthday), and a positive quote and wellness cards – all perfect for me!

I may not look my age, but I carry it proudly. There’s a story behind every year including how I’ve grown in my career, struggled through some mental health aspects in my life, became a wife to my best friend, and most importantly, becoming a mum to my son, and soon to be second little boy. 31 feels like a turning point in the best way – quiet confidence, having the right relationships in my life even if my circle has changed, and appreciation for the little things that made a big difference in my life for me.

I think as you get older, you start to realise what’s more meaningful to you. And it’s not about how many people show up or send messages, it’s about who shows up. The people who are there in your everyday life, who lift you up, who love you through every version of yourself.

I’m thankful for my little family. The love and admiration my husband and son give me on my birthday and every single day reminds me that this chapter of life, even with the tiredness and heavy pregnancy stage, the best is yet to come.

Birthdays change. But the love I get from the most important people in my life and the memories made along the way are what truly matters.
The Differences Between My First and Second Pregnancy

20/04/2025

During my first pregnancy, I still remember that exact moment – my heart genuinely skipped a beat as I stared down at the two pink lines on the test. This is what Danny and I had hoped for, and I couldn’t quite believe it had happened… and so quickly, too. I couldn’t wait to tell him. When I finally did, his voice changed into this mix of excitement and not quite believing it. And for the second pregnancy – it was those same feelings but more disbelief because we didn’t think it was going to happen and we started to tell ourselves, or at least I did that, “Maybe I’m supposed to be a mum of one.” But the day I seen the positive test for my second pregnancy, we ran quite literally to the car to head to Tesco for a Clearblue test! It confirmed what the first one said – pregnant and at 2-3 weeks. We’ve always wanted Freddy to be a big brother and now with just a few weeks to go, it’s getting really close and Freddy will meet his baby brother soon.

So, is the second pregnancy anything like the first? Honestly, yeah and no, there are a few differences.

Resting in your first pregnancy versus your second

Gone are the days when you had more freedom for naps. Now, I’ve got a 3-year-old who wants to play, luckily his daddy is the fun one most so that helps. But still, this time around feels a little different, in the best way. I’ve got my little boy looking after me too, alongside Danny. During those rough weeks of sickness (which the worst lasted up until around 24 weeks), he’d come over, gently put a blanket on me while I lay down, and say, “Mummy sick.”

And then there’s the “Hi baby brother,” which melts my heart every time. Freddy also loves rubbing my belly and I think it’s the sweetest thing.

The sickness for me this time round has been twice as bad

I remember being sick all the time when I was pregnant with Freddy, no matter the time of day. But it did start easing off around the 12-13 week mark. This time, though, the sickness stuck around a lot longer into the second trimester. I don’t think the reflux has helped either. Gaviscon just doesn’t help this time, and neither do Rennies for long-term relief. I’m glad my GP was able to prescribe tablets that actually help. And it feels so good to be able to enjoy meals again – especially as someone who loves my food!

Changes in my body

It’s no surprise that pregnancy takes a toll on your body, both physically and emotionally. I remember just how much I loved being pregnant the first time, even with the trips to the hospital for my blood pressure. There’s something so heartwarming about growing a child – watching my bump grow and feeling those little movements inside me get stronger. This second pregnancy has been no different. I’m embracing the stretch marks on my thighs, and recently, a few new ones on my belly – constant reminders of the incredible things my body is doing to carry a little human.

The love and support

Without a doubt, the love and support from my husband is still there and honestly, it feels even stronger this time. But I do feel like the support from others isn’t quite as much as it was the first time around, and I’ve had to come to terms with that. There’s just less excitement with this second pregnancy, unless you count the coworkers who weren’t around for the first pregnancy. Everyone has their own lives, so I get it, but it would be nice to feel that extra support. The specialist mental health midwife team were helping me with my second pregnancy in the earlier months, especially when it came to explaining the changes Freddy was facing at school – moving him from private nursery to school nursery back in September. And honestly, I’m feeling a little anxious about labour too. My last phone call with the team was canceled in March with no real explanation – just a message saying no clinicians were available. So, I’m really hoping I can reschedule soon as the anxiety is kicking back in.

It never helps with the rollercoaster of emotions pregnancy brings. I also feel that some little comments, even if they not intentional, can just make things harder. They tend to make those moments when I’m already feeling low and exhausted worse, especially when I’m juggling Freddy’s challenging moments too.

How did your second pregnancy compare to your first? Can you relate to any of the experiences I’ve shared here?
Trying Harder to Stress Less

15/04/2025
Teaching myself to stay calm during stressful situations hasn’t always come easy. Whether it’s a tantrum from my 3-year-old or challenges at work, I do my best to get through it all but I’ve noticed that sometimes, stress gets the better of me. Now, in this stage of my second pregnancy, I’m learning to remind myself, “I can only do what I can do.” Sometimes that means finding calm to help my son through his big emotions, which often ends in a cuddle or us snuggling each other to sleep. Other times, it’s stepping back and asking, “Can this wait until tomorrow?”

High blood pressure and stress

I’ve had high blood pressure since I was 24. Doctors have always wondered if it’s hereditary, but one thing I’ve learned over the years is that blood pressure and stress definitely don’t mix.

During both of my pregnancies, I’ve been under the care of a clinic in Manchester called MAViS, and they’ve been amazing at supporting me. They keep a close eye on me, especially during the third trimester, with extra scans and monitoring my blood pressure. Touch wood things are going better this time around.

I guess I learned the hard way, through most of my life and my first pregnancy, how much stress can affect my body. During my last pregnancy, I ended up at the hospital countless times, day and night, and even had to stay overnight because my blood pressure was off the charts. This time around, I’ve had a few high readings, but nothing too concerning, and I’ve been able to get advice over the phone. Most likely, it’s been caused by worry and stress – not great for me or the baby. So, it’s really important that I take care of both of us as much as I can when it’s in my control. Unless it’s just pregnancy hormones and all the changes in my body, I’ll do my best to keep my blood pressure in check.

Accepting my body image

I’m learning that stress doesn’t have to be tied to how I look, either. I think that’s something I’ve come to realise since becoming a mum. It’s nice to feel good about yourself, but how you look shouldn’t define who you are. On the days when I feel somewhat prettier, sure, I get a little confidence boost, but it doesn’t change the fact that I’m a good mum, a hardworking person, and a wife who wants to support my husband in every way I can.

The stretch marks don’t bother me like they did the first time. I’ve noticed some more appear on my thighs, and the ones from my first pregnancy with Freddy are showing up again but honestly, they make me feel happy. I’m grateful that I get to grow another little human. Women’s bodies are incredible. I’m amazed at how much my baby bump has grown recently, and all I feel is love.

Some days, I worry a bit and feel guilty for not giving my baby bump enough attention. So whenever I can, I take a moment to rub my belly, say “Hi baby!”, and remind him that I love him. He doesn’t know it yet, but he’s already surrounded by so much love from his daddy and big brother. It’s a simple way I bring myself back to calm.

Right now, as I’m writing this post, I am lay in bed (sat up with my pregnancy pillow) feeling relaxed as I write out what’s on my mind. Writing really is good for my soul and as I’ve said before it’s like my therapy.

If you’re feeling the effects of stress right now – whether it’s daily life, motherhood, or work – remember, you’re human. Some things can wait, and your health always comes first. If you’re like me, you’ll probably find yourself enjoying a cup of tea or running a nice bubble bath!

Resources to help to cope with stress
Why Writing is Like My Therapy

03/04/2025

As a mum, I know the challenges of trying to balance everything from family life to personal wellbeing, and everything in between. Where’s the time to keep fit, eat healthily, and have me time? Like many mums, I’ve experienced moments of feeling overwhelmed, stressed, and at times, utterly drained. But through it all, one thing has helped me come back to feeling calm and clarity and that’s through writing. And hugs and reassurance from Danny quite a lot – I couldn’t ask for a more supportive husband.

Running The Mama Perspective has become more than just a blog for sharing tips and personal stories. It has become my therapy – a safe space where I can share my thoughts, reflect on my experiences as mum and every day life and find release in the process. It’s a place where I can be honest and hope that at least one person out there can relate to what I’m feeling as I write a new post. Here’s how writing helps me manage stress, and how it can help you too.

Expressing my thoughts

Motherhood often comes with a flood of emotions. The highs of parenting are amazing, but the lows can feel overwhelming and lonely a lot of the time. Writing has allowed me to express these emotions. Whether I’m having a rough day with my son being more sensitive (gets it from his mama) or reflecting on challenges at work, writing everything down on this blog gives me a sense of release. I still might feel some anxiety or stress but when I unload all those thoughts here, it does reduce the amount that was initially there.

Not that I should have to validate my feelings to anyone, but it’s like my readers understand me and I can let go of the emotional weight. In person, it’s not often there are more than a handful of people who can respect my feelings and give me the space to express myself without judgment. But when people read my blog, it makes it all worth the while when, someone that could be a complete stranger, just gets it.

Some kinda escape from the chaos

Motherhood has its chaotic days where it’s easy to get lost in juggling responsibilities, and trying to meet everyone’s needs. Writing gives me an escape, even if just for a little while. When I sit down to write, I get lost in my own thoughts, which means I can disconnect from anything that’s pressuring me to feel the way I do.

It’s like a therapeutic pause – a reminder that amidst the chaos, I deserve time for myself. It helps me reconnect with who I am, and most of all reminds me how much I do love being a mum no matter what kind of day I’ve had.

A sign of growth

When I look back at my older blog posts, each one reminds me of how far I’ve come. I see the challenges I faced, the lessons I learned, and the ways I’ve grown. Writing not only helps me release stress in the moment, but it also provides an online journal of my personal journey into motherhood and wellness.

It feels good reading my own words months later to realise how much I’ve overcome. Whenever self doubt kicks in, this blog reminds me that I can handle whatever comes my way. It’s as if I turn to think, “If I handled that, I can handle this.”

Writing on The Mama Perspective has become an important part of my mental and emotional wellbeing. I’m so glad I decided to start this blog. It’s my therapy – a place that helps me process my feelings and step back from the days when I’m struggling.

Have you ever thought about blogging or creating a journal? Whether it’s for yourself or to share with others, writing can help you find clarity, reduce stress, and connect with your authentic self. It’s not about perfection; it’s about the release it gives you to feel like yourself after a few deep breaths and a few drafts before hitting publish!