The Mama Perspective | Motherhood and Maternal Wellbeing

A space for real stories, shared experiences and modern motherhood

about

Natasha is a mum of two little boys and the voice behind The Mama Perspective. Passionate about maternal mental health and self-care, she writes honestly about the highs, lows, and healing moments of motherhood.

Finding Strength From My Struggles

20/07/2024

I’ve been through occasions in my life, some more repeatedly than others where I’ve felt low to the point where it’s affected my entire life. I’m talking friendships, my relationship, but most importantly my entire self. The physical and emotional states have been the worst they’ve ever been. I’ve experienced avoidance of seeing people, hating my whole body image, and not liking the sadness overload.

I was struggling to find positives. But one thing I’ve never failed and know I never will, is being able to love my son. No matter what, absolutely nothing, comes before him. There isn’t a thing in the world that would stop me from wanting to be the best mum I can be, for him. That means that when times do get tough, he’s always the signal to show me what I need to do. Whether it be talking to someone like a friend/family member or professionally. I’ve been had the odd rant to a couple of people in work.

I think in today’s world especially, it shouldn’t be unusual to talk about how we feel. I’m not saying there’s always a need to go into great detail but aren’t we all human? Shouldn’t we feel strong for talking and expressing how we feel? Regardless of who are you, what you do for a living, what you’ve done right or wrong in the past or at present, mental health and health all around should always be a priority.

Emotional challenges aren’t always about putting someone to blame because the only way forward is to help yourself. And the first step is acknowledging that help needs to happen if you want to make a difference in your life and potentially others you’re close with.

On my phone, I have a section inside the Apple health app. It asks you to log how you’ve felt during a moment in the day or overall for the day. Today was the first time in a long while that I logged “Very Pleasant”. I’ve had neutral most days with the odd “Slightly Unpleasant” rather than totally unpleasant.

Even if you don’t see it at the time, negative thoughts can impact how you see yourself, how you think, how you react to others, and how you behave in your “happy places”. Take mine for instance – at home – where I should feel most at peace. There are times I’ve felt frustrated, fed up, and lost. But it’s more what’s going on around me than the place. Sometimes, I just need to bring myself back to remind me what and who really makes me happy. And where those things or people aren’t, it could be time for a change. It could be as little as new daily habits for coping mechanisms, being more active, or eating healthier.

It isn’t always easy but there are always so many things to be grateful for. Remember to surround yourself around things and people that spark positivity and one of those people needs to be you. How you speak to yourself says more than it does from anyone else.
The Imperfections I See

03/07/2024

Being a mum is one of the most rewarding roles I’ve ever taken on, yet for me, and probably for others, it comes with the struggle to find my identity again. I’ve come to realise that embracing my imperfections is one way to be happy, for me, and for my son, so I can grow as a person.

From being a teenager, I think that’s my clearest memory of struggling to ‘fit in’. Oh to be 5-year old me again riding around on my bike and playing in the street on weekends, without a care in the world. Today, it’s more about finding who I am as a mum. And part of that is accepting that my body has been through a lot of change physically and emotionally which has changed my perspective on so many things.

Here’s a little Q&A from me about the reality of how I see myself as a mum.

Am I a ‘super mum’?

No, I don’t think so. From the moment I became a mum, I felt the pressure to be somewhat ‘perfect’ or do always try to do the ‘right’ thing. But reality quickly set in. There were days when the clothes washing piled up (it’s never ending) and I didn’t want to do a thing other than look after my son (or try to get more sleep).

Now, I’ve learned to prioritise what’s most important: being present with my son. I’ve accepted that some days will be chaotic and that’s okay. What matters is the love and attention I give to him. I don’t always get it right but I’ll always try to be the best mum I can be.

Do I compare myself to others?

Oh, 100%. In today’s world, I think it’s hard not to. We’re surrounded by social media, which can be positive for some parts. But, I find myself scrolling through Instagram and see other mums or women in general, who seem to have it all together. It’s made me question my own abilities as a mum. No I try to ignore the pressure. Every single child is single and so are mums to be honest. Although in most ways, we’re experiencing lots of emotional changes.

Do I lose my patience?

Yes, I’m guilty. There are days when the constant demands and endless questions from my children test my limits. I’ve lost my temper more times than I’d like to admit, and each time, I felt a pang of guilt.

However, I’ve learned to forgive myself for these moments. I’m human, and it’s okay to have bad days. What’s important is how I handle these situations afterward. Apologising to my son, explaining why I was frustrated, and showing him that it’s okay to make mistakes has taught the both of us the importance of having empathy and understanding.

Do I neglect self care?

Yes, sometimes, I just feel so drained that I put my own self care aside. Taking time for myself even if it’s for short moments like having a bath/shower or 20 minutes to myself with a hot cup of tea, it helps.

Today, I also try to make more of an effort with seeing friends and not losing the social aspect of my life.

It’s time to be the best version of myself

Being a mum has changed how I see myself, though it’s not all bad, I need to try harder to embrace my imperfections. I’ve had almost three years (or almost years and nine months if you include pregnancy) of building a true connection with my son so it’s time to find myself again. I’ve learned that it’s okay to take breaks. By doing so, I’m not only growing as a mum but also teaching my son valuable lessons about opening up to how we’re feeling and that it’s okay to enjoy our own space.
Better Days Are Always On the Horizon

15/06/2024

I read a quote the other day that said: “Being positive doesn’t mean you have to be happy all the time and ignore reality, it means that trusting even on hard days, you know that better ones are coming.”

It really hit me because I find myself getting back into a hole where I just feel low. I can’t always explain it or pinpoint why, but it gets me more upset because I think I’m going backwards. People might not understand how I can be down when I have a job, a husband, a son, and a house to call our home, etc., but I’m human, and I’m still going to feel the way I do. It doesn’t mean I’m not grateful or love my family. They are everything to me.

Too many times I’ve started a sentence with “I wish…” but, to be honest, I should be trying to make the most of every single little thing now. There will be days that are tougher and more draining than others, but I owe it to myself to take a step back when I feel the pressure building up. Like I said earlier about not always understanding why I feel the way I do, it’s just a part of who I am. On some occasions, I’ll struggle more than others to overcome the dullness where I feel like a grey cloud has come over me. As for the others, there are brighter days, and they will always outweigh the dark ones.

So, whenever I feel low, I need to remember that it’s okay. And I have to acknowledge the emotions I’m going through to be able to challenge my thoughts. Better days are always on the horizon.

I’m a happy person generally, but I do put myself down an awful lot. The level of sadness I feel when I look at parts of my body—I don’t know, I just hate myself in certain photos and have become very self-conscious. I know it’s not good for me, but as the saying goes, you are your own worst critic, right?

It really does make me wonder if hypothyroidism has been a factor in the ups and downs I’ve had for a lot of years now. After being borderline for so long with many symptoms to being diagnosed after I had my little boy in 2021, my emotions have gotten stronger. But having my son in my life has made me realise how important it is to take care of myself.
Trying to Overcome Self-Sabotage and Embrace a Positive Body Image

27/05/2024

On my last blog post I talked about how I don’t like how I look recently and how it makes me feel. A couple of weeks later, I started to feel a bit silly because I seem to have spent a few days feeling more confident about myself, more upbeat and happy. Then before you know it, the low self esteem returns.

There will be a day or even a week where I’ll feel hungrier than usual. Yes, I’ve been keeping hydrated but I think mid-cycle has something to answer for when it comes to appetite changes. I could be wrong but it seems to be a pattern with me so I’ll go with it. The week I mentioned earlier when I was feeling better about myself, I actually felt happier when I was 4lbs lighter on the scales. But now, I’m sat here thinking about what I can eat next.

As easy as it looks for some people; I actually find looking after my body pretty hard. With everything else around me that I need to focus on and get right, my body doesn’t seem to be a priority. I need to remind myself that my body is important, especially as it holds so many effects on my mind. I just can’t seem to love or even like most parts of me anymore.

Some mornings I’ll look in the mirror and think there’s nothing that can change how tired or ‘meh’ I look today. Maybe it’s part of getting older or it could have something to do with the fact I’m a mum of a toddler.

It’s times like this when I think back to time I spent in therapy. Quite a few sessions were focused on self esteem. I remember keeping a diary of everything I thought about myself. It wasn’t nice when I had to read it back out loud in front of my therapist but there was a reason for that. It taught me a lesson. I was sabotaging every angle I saw in myself. Next to nothing was positive.

Fast forward a month or so later, I started to make it a habit to try to pay myself compliment every now and then. “I am a good mum… I work hard… I love my family… Freddy loves coming to me for cuddles…” and so on.

Time can change so many things. I know my body image is one of those things, especially my weight. I know a healthy weight contributes to good health but it shouldn’t define everything that I am. I’m not the same young girl I used to be. I’m a full grown woman and one that’s birthed a child. What ever happened to focusing on the things that make us happy?

No doubt I’ll continue to fall back into the habit of looking at myself negatively from time to time. But I’ll still keep trying to see myself a different way. It’s to easy to see things from your own perspective, sometimes it’s worth trying to see things differently.
The Challenge of Accepting Postpartum Body Changes

10/05/2024

I’ve never been the most confident person in the room but little did I know that I had more confidence back a few years ago than I do now. Today, I’m insecure most days and a lot of that is down to my body image and how I perceive myself. I don’t like what I see when I look in the mirror and I know it’s down to me to make a change. I struggle losing weight, especially the ‘belly pouch’ I’ve kept since becoming a mum. I’ve picked up bad eating/snacking habits – sometimes overindulging and other times not eating the right food or enough of what’s good for me.

I’ve been struggling with my body confidence since becoming a mum. If I’m being completely honest, it’s something that I’ve struggled with even before pregnancy. But not like this. I feel a bit embarrassed sometimes that I’m over 2.5 years into motherhood and I feel like this. Aren’t mums supposed to feel more like themselves after 1.5-2 years? That’s what I keep reading anyway. It’s like we’re just supposed to bounce back. Most days I don’t feel pretty but it does feel good if I’m out for a special occasion and I dress up to feel more girly.

Before motherhood, I had moments of doubt about my body, but looking back, I realise I had more appreciation for it than I do now. But now, I find myself constantly scrutinising how I look, picking apart every flaw.

Weight has become my nemesis, and I know that I look bigger than I did before. Clothes that once made me feel confident now hang differently, and nothing seems to flatter my shape anymore. I barely understand what my dress sense is these days.

But putting all insecurity about my body aside, I’m trying to remind myself that my worth is not defined by the number on the scale or the size of my jeans (when I can squeeze into them). I’m trying to be kinder to myself even though I don’t always find it easy to do. I want to celebrate the journey my body has been through – pregnancy, childbirth, and now, the demands of being a mum.

I’m slowly coming to terms with the fact that my body may never be the same as it once was, and that’s okay. It’s a constant work in progress. And while there are days when I still struggle to as confident as I used to be, I’m reminded of the incredible life I’ve brought into this world. My gorgeous son.

I suppose it’s okay to have moments of doubt and insecurity, but the more you hold onto those thoughts, it can destroy every ounce of confidence one bit at a time. I know I’m strong, but beautiful isn’t something I can say I feel. I love my food and snacks too much! I know I need to do better. My self esteem is downhill but I hope it comes back one day. I’m starting to feel the benefits of being more active, I’ve just got to stick at it.