When I became pregnant for the first time with my son (Freddy) in 2021, the excitement to become a mum was unreal. You don’t hear about a lot of positive stories but I honestly loved being pregnant. There were countless appointments, especially during the third trimester but each time this happened, we (me and Danny) were lucky to learn more about our baby boy growing. Then there was sickness, tiredness, and back strain from carrying our little ‘pumpkin’ (that’s what I call him). But once your baby comes into the world, the rest of it goes away within a flash.
Whenever a newly pregnant woman asks me how I found my pregnancy, I focus on the good. It’s a time to be celebrated and us women are powerful for what our bodies can handle and go through.
During all three periods – pregnancy, giving birth, and postpartum, I think there’s a topic that needs to be talked about more. Mental health. That goes for each parent. And also the lesser talked about notion that mums do it all. It might be the case for some families, but I for one, see it differently. I see a husband, a dad, who loves and protects his family. A man who is progressing in his career and never places his son as second best. And I’ll admit it, I think he is Freddy’s favourite person. So much for a mummy’s boy eh!
Bringing a child into the world is somewhat surreal; it’s amazing; it’s challenging; it’s magical. In the background of a child growing up, have you ever stopped to take a moment to think and how mum and dad are doing? I faced a few battles with my mind. It was constantly telling me to do better or that I wasn’t capable of being a good mum. But there hasn’t been a day where I haven’t loved every ounce of my son. It’s the person me and Danny have always needed in our lives and we can hardly remember a time where he wasn’t a part of us.
It wasn’t until becoming a mum that I considered therapy. I’d read about it and watched how it’s interpreted on films but I never made that step myself up until three months of being a mum. I know now that I wasn’t weak. I just wanted to feel better. There’s a lot I carried for years and it took one look at my son after crying on the kitchen floor to tell me what I needed to be brave to do.
Providing for your family in our household is an equal measure. The two of us work full-time, grateful for a hybrid working pattern and workplaces that understand when you’ve got to be there for your child. Whether it be an appointment, an illness, or the best that’s yet to come, school plays and sports day, we want to be there. I understand that’s not always possible for other parents so we count ourselves lucky.
One of the toughest things I still face as a parent is the feeling of guilt. Maybe that’s also part of how I feel after situations in everyday life outside of being a mum. But I think it’s hard to meet expectations, to not compare to how another child is doing, and to remember that looking after myself helps to look after my son in the best way possible. We, as parents, can put so much pressure on ourselves. I’m trying to remind myself that each child is different and shines in their own way. I’m grateful to have a happy and healthy child. And for that, I am happy too.
Over the last few months, I’ve had a real eye opener on how parenthood changes your life forever. It’s not easy but it’s worth it and I’ll do it all again. Throughout the highs and lows, it’s important not to neglect your marriage, self-care, and your mind.
In today’s world, I think a reminder needs to sent that, looking after mental health, helps to look after your children. Children learn by example, and by prioritising self-care, seeking support when needed, and having honest conversations, parents model important life skills that empower their children to navigate their own emotional landscapes and show there’s always a safe place for them to be.
By acknowledging the importance of parental mental health and taking the steps to manage it, the world of parenthood could be a more compassionate and supportive place.
