The Mama Perspective

Motherhood and Maternal Wellbeing

The voice behind the blog

Natasha is a mum of two little boys and the voice behind The Mama Perspective. Passionate about maternal mental health and self-care, she writes honestly about the highs, lows, and healing moments of motherhood.
  • Accepting Old Friendships Fading Away

    Accepting Old Friendships Fading Away

    Yesterday I shared a post on Instagram about juggling being a mum, wife, full-time worker, and maintaining a healthy lifestyle. I’ll put my hands up and admit that I’m not perfecting in all of these, or even any to be honest.

    This morning, I read an article about friendships changing as you get older – your circle gets “smaller but stronger”. And today, I can completely resonate with that. I was sat chatting to my husband last night when Freddy had an early night. I scrolled through Instagram as you do, seen a few posts of groups of friends on nights out, and others from people who now feel like strangers in my life.

    The truth is, I’ve learned that it’s natural for friendships to fade. I believe there was a purpose to have certain people be a part of my life that might not be so significant now. And that’s okay. Sometimes it’s for the better, for me and for them because our lives and commitments have changed.

    Maybe it’s because I’m a mum or I didn’t try hard enough to go out as much as I used to. But being a mum is everything to me and I’d rather work harder at that than trying to fit into crowds that no longer suit me. Perspectives have shifted as time has passed. I can count the number of friends I have on one hand. I don’t mean people I can have a friendly conversation with or go for a drink with. That’s what it used to be about. But now, it’s knowing that those things in common don’t exist anymore. My priorities and outlook on what life is about has changed.

    You could also say I’m at a point in my life where I just don’t have the time or energy to pursue something that isn’t meant to be anymore. No drama. A quieter life.

    I used to think weekends were for looking more attractive than I seen myself looking during a typical working week. Or, having to do something that everyone else was doing. Call me ‘boring’ but I want to love the life I live and if that means more nights in than out, so be it. I have a husband and a son. And if doing nothing some days with them makes me happy, I count myself lucky for all those moments.

    I’m no longer scared of looking like a ‘loner’ from the outside. I don’t care if I’ve changed in a way that people don’t like. The life I’m living is for me and my little family. I couldn’t want anything more. And I’m so grateful to have the few friends, the ones who just get it without any judgement, who are always there. The ones that do what they do because it’s in their nature to be genuine people.

    My inner circle has changed but I know now that it’s for all good reasons. Here’s to showing love to the friends who have stayed in my life because they’re supposed to be there. And knowing that making friends with someone who can make a difference in your life happens when you least expect it to.

  • Children’s Mental Health Matters

    Children’s Mental Health Matters

    I’ve only just realised that Children’s Mental Health Week takes place a couple of weeks after Parents Mental Health Week. Anyway, it got me thinking about how I see things differently since becoming a mum. Things being I’m always figuring out what I need to do, giving my absolute best, so my son has the love he needs.

    Children have feelings, just like adults. If you were crying, would you expect your partner, friend, colleague to not be concerned and leave you alone? No? So, why in today’s world do we still hear, “Let them cry it out”? I understand that kids need to learn that they can’t always get their own way. But there’s a big difference in ignoring your child’s feelings and trying to understand why they’re feeling the way they do.

    Regardless of whether my son is having a tantrum or if he’s genuinely upset, either merits a cuddle and attention for me or his dad in my attention. He clearly needs to communicate something to us but can’t also do so with words. And the more upset he gets, the harder it would be to comfort him if he was left alone. I want to teach Freddy that it’s okay to be upset but to know that mummy and daddy are always here for him.

    Night or day, we’re here. We might feel like a zombie from time to time or wonder where we’re going to get our energy from but we make it work. Together, we make sure Freddy has what he needs to be happy. I’m not talking about “spoiling him” although some people might look at it that way. We know what he likes and how he likes things. Just because we’re the adults and he’s the child, doesn’t mean he can’t tell us how things are going to go. Let’s be honest, as much as you plan, things don’t always go how you want them to.

    So, with the tantrums and upset aside, there’s so much love, an indescribable kind. The type of love that tells you, there’s always something and someone to come home to who will make everything better with their little but big smile. The days when your little one will run up to you or give you a spontaneous kiss or cuddle – there’s nothing like it.

    Children deserve for their emotions to be taken seriously. As a mum, I’ll always try my best to make sure Freddy knows his emotions are heard and do what I can to help when he’s feeling sad or frustrated.

    Whenever he’s feeling happy or excited, he’s got himself into a habit of saying “Yay!” at things like at the end of completing an activity, singing a song, or finishing the alphabet or a number song.

    Whilst I went through a tough time adjusting to life as a first time mum, only due to my own struggles of people pleasing and pressures from comments around me, Freddy has helped me more than he’ll ever know. He’s given me more reason to always work on myself and reminds me how important it is to look after myself so I can look after him.

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  • Looking After Your Mental Health as a Parent

    Looking After Your Mental Health as a Parent

    It wasn’t until I became a mum that I took my mental health seriously, well more seriously than I did before then. I wasn’t prepared for the sleepless nights combined with the change of emotions running through my body during the newborn stage. But I’ve always known how much I love my little boy (Freddy) and wanting to be the best mum I can be.

    There are days that test my patience more than others but then I take a moment to remember, while it might seem like there was never a time without my son in my life, he’s only been on the outside world for almost two and a half years.

    Freddy is growing so fast each day, learning new ways to act out a toddler tantrum it seems at times but I wouldn’t change a thing. While he is growing, I am becoming a stronger person being a mum and learning much more about myself. The little smile, giggle, “mama”, mispronunciation of words in a cute way – it’s everything.

    Here are some reminders I’m trying out when I doubt myself as a mum or feeling like I don’t have enough energy to try harder.

    No one is a perfect parent

    Parenting comes with its fair share of moments you can’t predict, just as you think, “Oh, I’m holding it together pretty well today” until…

    I think it’s important to show your child(ren) that sometimes we make mistakes and that’s okay. I want to show Freddy we don’t live in a ‘perfect world’ but there’s always a reason to smile each day, especially for me as I have him.

    When times get a little challenging I like to think there are things I can try.

    Make ‘me’ time

    Whether it’s to finish a cup of tea whilst it’s still hot or a short walk in outside to get some fresh air, it’s important to recharge. When I’m a happy mum, I can take on the responsibilities on looking after Freddy, to make him happy too.

    Message friends and family

    Parenting, especially in the newborn stage can make you feel lonely, but you’re not alone. I’ve got a small but lovely handful of mum friends. They mean a lot to me and have helped me through parts of my life they won’t even know about.

    Celebrate the little things

    Some days I tell myself, “I got out of bed today, managed to dress my son without him kicking around, and got out to the door to get to work on time.” And sometimes, that’s what I do, take things one step at a time. Just last night, me and my husband thought it was an early night for Freddy until he woke up two hours later. But that went more time see Freddy, cuddle him, see those long eyelashes of his close and he got sleepy again. There are ups and downs but so many special moments which I’ll hold onto forever.

    For me, being the best mum I can be starts with taking care of myself. By prioritising my mental health, it benefits not only me but my family too. So, if you’re having a challenging mum or dad day today, take a deep breath, and remember, you’ve got this!

Anxiety Confidence Family Mental Health Mindset Motherhood Parenthood Parenting Positivity Postpartum Self Esteem Wellness